Watching I slowly remove each piece Discarded clothes You studying every curve Beautiful fantasy Your gaze reflects need My body My soul My offering Yours to keep Command me Lead me Guiding desire Submissive perfection I Am Yours Exquisitely
Yours
Stripped
Transcendence
The layers
Slowly discarded
Sinking in
Finding strength
Edging closer
Walls crumbling
Exposing inner beauty
Soulful connection
Your heart shining
Revealed perfection
All of you
Stripped bare
Only for me
~♡~
Already Gone
The rain falls
Echos of yesterday
Replaying moments lost
Words spoken in haste
Piercing my heart
Crushing my soul
Deteriorating compassion
Forgotten loves embrace
Intolerable presence
Resentment and hate
Shadows passing
Screams of sorrow
Repeated disdain
Tear stained cheeks
Secrets written on your face
Already gone
Love faded
Memories tainted
xoxo
♥️ me
8/25/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
Kindness is Free
While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear
We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact
Fear
Shame
Self doubt
Judgment
These will love us to death
You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same
Be the change
Empower
Inspire
Accept without limitations
xoxo
♥️me
8/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
I See
I can hear it
The violence in his tone
The anger in his expression
The intensity in his stance
The hate in the words unspoken
I just met you but I see you
The you that is cleverly hidden
It’s not
You’re not
I feel it
I see it
I sense every bad piece of who you are
I possess a innate ability to read between the versions of you being presented with a smile
Trauma does that
A little gift, I wish I never received
The broken pieces
The broken inside of me
They see
xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
7/29/2019
Curiosity
I don’t know how
I dont know why
All I know is, I want to keep going
Call it my curiosity
Say it’s the bad part of me
Tell me I’m wrong
It feels so right
Say I should move on
I won’t, but at least you will have tried
Say it’s not how you feel
Say the words to push me away
Neither of us believe it
Right or wrong
I cannot walk away
Too much love circling my brain
I won’t go on without you
Not even one more day
It’s not a game
My heart aches for you
A love that can’t be tamed
Wild and free
Crazy and insane
Can’t think about that right now
Just please tell me you feel the same
I need to know if you’re that missing piece
True love
Real connection
Lustful want
Dynamic need
Complete surrender
Embracing all of me
Just answer me please
Are you my forever
Are you my destiny
Are you my eternity
Are you mine
Are we together
xoxo
♥️me
7/18/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme
TRUST
How do you dive deeper if it’s missing?
Where do you find the strength to let go?
How do you learn something you have never known?
Where is that relentless determination I have for other things?
How do I embrace the emotion?
Where is the feeling that it brings?
How have I made it this far without it?
Where is that someone for me?
How do I climb this mountain?
Where will I finally jump and unbind these wings?
How do I keep from just face planting?
Where is the connection that it brings?
How will I move forward without the answers to all of these things?
Trust, an allusive bitch or my answer to everything?
xoxo
♥️me
7/4/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme
Complex PTSD
Do you really know what it is?
It’s so much more than a label
It’s more than a mental illness
It’s closer to a death sentence
It’s sheer terror
It’s sleepless nights
It’s guarding
It’s being on constant alert
It’s exhausting
It’s self blame
It’s not trusting
It’s fear
It’s panic
It’s a noise
It’s a smell
It’s a reminder
It’s uncontrollable crying
It’s night terrors
It’s waking up struggling to breathe
It’s isolation
It’s mental torture
It’s self destructive
It’s anger
Its nausea
It’s headaches
It’s not eating
It’s eating too much
It’s being sad
It’s shutting down
It’s fantasizing of running away
It’s getting lost in your thoughts
It’s a need to be heard but not wanting to speak
It’s procrastinating
It’s searching for a purpose
It’s clinging to unrealistic expectations
It’s losing hours & days
It’s complete disparage
It’s utter desperation
It’s chaos
It’s hiding
It’s putting others comfort above your own
It’s a lifetime of fighting
It’s being strong while feeling your weakest
It’s shifting between being totally numb to heightened awareness
It’s life or death
It’s social awkwardness
It’s paralyzing fear
It’s aimlessly wandering
It’s wearing your pain
It’s disclosing nothing
It’s having to be in control
It’s mental torture
It’s visual scars that constantly remind you
It’s like treading water
It’s physical pain
It’s backing out of commitments
It’s needing recovery time after having to be 100% present at functions
It’s pretending to be fine
It’s feeling like a burden
It’s negative voices in your head
It’s overwhelming
It’s overthinking
It’s over analyzing ever word
It’s rejection
It’s being uncomfortable in your own skin
It’s feeling like a failure
It’s trying to escape the horrid flashbacks
It’s feeling unlovable
It’s contemplating seeing another day
It’s wondering who you could have been
It’s failing
It’s self hate
It’s avoiding people
It’s not answering the phone
It’s not responding to messages
It’s closing the blinds
It’s not answering the door
It’s unforgiving
It’s panic attacks
It’s anxiety
It’s depression
It’s disassociation
It’s hating yourself
It’s restlessness
It’s excitement that turns to fear
It’s countless surgeries
It’s living around the pain
It’s sexual disfunction
It’s blinding rage
It’s damaged relationships
It’s being criticized
It’s being pushed away
It’s being excluded
It’s hopelessness
It’s the echo of your pounding heart
It’s never finding your way
It’s wishing it would take you
It’s being hypersensitive to body language
It’s feeling sorry that your spouse has to attempt to decipher your mood
It’s long days and even longer nights spent lost with no direction
It’s praying for a better day
It’s searching for a distraction
It’s knowing nothing can change
It’s watching your life as an outsider
It’s just wanting to be left alone
It’s knowing this is the best it will get
It’s finding comfort in the pain
It’s fight or flight daily
It’s lost moments
It’s rumors
It’s victim blaming
It’s hearing their whispers
It’s being called crazy
It’s judgment and being told it’s just attention seeking
It’s complex because it affects every part of who I am
It’s so much more than this EVERY SINGLE DAY
Speaking only from my perspective and experience since I live it every minute of my life.
xoxo
The Broken Inside of Me
6/12/19
Lost Somewhere Inbetween
The sun is setting
My mind begins to wander
Dissecting the day
The emotions rush back to me
Sadness
Hopelessness
Despair
Anger
Loneliness
Shame
Unable to count the times I have told myself
They hate you
You will never be good enough
You are a failure
You will always be broken
It’s your fault
They deserve better
He deserves better
You suck at everything
Why can’t you just be better
There are moments of light that soothe the pain, while distracting my thoughts
Casting a ray of sunshine
The intertwining darkness and destruction overlap
Suffocating the light and strength
Mixed emotions
Struggling to just be
As the beauty of the day dips into the darkness of night
Eternally conflicted
Struggling within
I might be lost
Still searching for peace
However, I am thankful to have seen another day
And the beauty of the sunset isn’t lost on me.
August 31, 2018
