Yours

Watching
I slowly remove each piece
Discarded clothes
You studying every curve
Beautiful fantasy
Your gaze reflects need
My body
My soul
My offering
Yours to keep
Command me
Lead me
Guiding desire
Submissive perfection
I
Am
Yours
Exquisitely
 
 

Stripped


Transcendence

The layers

Slowly discarded

Sinking in

Finding strength

Edging closer

Walls crumbling

Exposing inner beauty

Soulful connection

Your heart shining

Revealed perfection

All of you

Stripped bare

Only for me

~♡~

Already Gone

The rain falls

Echos of yesterday

Replaying moments lost

Words spoken in haste

Piercing my heart

Crushing my soul

Deteriorating compassion

Forgotten loves embrace

Intolerable presence

Resentment and hate

Shadows passing

Screams of sorrow

Repeated disdain

Tear stained cheeks

Secrets written on your face

Already gone

Love faded

Memories tainted

xoxo

♥️ me

8/25/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Kindness is Free

While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear

We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact

Fear
Shame
Self doubt
Judgment
These will love us to death

You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same

Be the change
Empower
Inspire
Accept without limitations


xoxo
♥️me
8/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

I See

I can hear it
The violence in his tone
The anger in his expression
The intensity in his stance
The hate in the words unspoken

I just met you but I see you
The you that is cleverly hidden
It’s not
You’re not
I feel it
I see it
I sense every bad piece of who you are

I possess a innate ability to read between the versions of you being presented with a smile

Trauma does that
A little gift, I wish I never received
The broken pieces
The broken inside of me
They see

xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
7/29/2019

Curiosity

I don’t know how
I dont know why
All I know is, I want to keep going

Call it my curiosity
Say it’s the bad part of me

Tell me I’m wrong
It feels so right

Say I should move on
I won’t, but at least you will have tried

Say it’s not how you feel
Say the words to push me away
Neither of us believe it
Right or wrong
I cannot walk away

Too much love circling my brain
I won’t go on without you
Not even one more day

It’s not a game
My heart aches for you
A love that can’t be tamed
Wild and free
Crazy and insane
Can’t think about that right now
Just please tell me you feel the same

I need to know if you’re that missing piece
True love
Real connection
Lustful want
Dynamic need
Complete surrender
Embracing all of me

Just answer me please

Are you my forever
Are you my destiny
Are you my eternity
Are you mine
Are we together

xoxo
♥️me
7/18/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme

TRUST

How do you dive deeper if it’s missing?

Where do you find the strength to let go?

How do you learn something you have never known?

Where is that relentless determination I have for other things?

How do I embrace the emotion?

Where is the feeling that it brings?

How have I made it this far without it?

Where is that someone for me?

How do I climb this mountain?

Where will I finally jump and unbind these wings?

How do I keep from just face planting?

Where is the connection that it brings?

How will I move forward without the answers to all of these things?

Trust, an allusive bitch or my answer to everything?

xoxo
♥️me
7/4/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme

Complex PTSD

Do you really know what it is?
It’s so much more than a label
It’s more than a mental illness
It’s closer to a death sentence
It’s sheer terror
It’s sleepless nights
It’s guarding
It’s being on constant alert
It’s exhausting
It’s self blame
It’s not trusting
It’s fear
It’s panic
It’s a noise
It’s a smell
It’s a reminder
It’s uncontrollable crying
It’s night terrors
It’s waking up struggling to breathe
It’s isolation
It’s mental torture
It’s self destructive
It’s anger
Its nausea
It’s headaches
It’s not eating
It’s eating too much
It’s being sad
It’s shutting down
It’s fantasizing of running away
It’s getting lost in your thoughts
It’s a need to be heard but not wanting to speak
It’s procrastinating
It’s searching for a purpose
It’s clinging to unrealistic expectations
It’s losing hours & days
It’s complete disparage
It’s utter desperation
It’s chaos
It’s hiding
It’s putting others comfort above your own
It’s a lifetime of fighting
It’s being strong while feeling your weakest
It’s shifting between being totally numb to heightened awareness
It’s life or death
It’s social awkwardness
It’s paralyzing fear
It’s aimlessly wandering
It’s wearing your pain
It’s disclosing nothing
It’s having to be in control
It’s mental torture
It’s visual scars that constantly remind you
It’s like treading water
It’s physical pain
It’s backing out of commitments
It’s needing recovery time after having to be 100% present at functions
It’s pretending to be fine
It’s feeling like a burden
It’s negative voices in your head
It’s overwhelming
It’s overthinking
It’s over analyzing ever word
It’s rejection
It’s being uncomfortable in your own skin
It’s feeling like a failure
It’s trying to escape the horrid flashbacks
It’s feeling unlovable
It’s contemplating seeing another day
It’s wondering who you could have been
It’s failing
It’s self hate
It’s avoiding people
It’s not answering the phone
It’s not responding to messages
It’s closing the blinds
It’s not answering the door
It’s unforgiving
It’s panic attacks
It’s anxiety
It’s depression
It’s disassociation
It’s hating yourself
It’s restlessness
It’s excitement that turns to fear
It’s countless surgeries
It’s living around the pain
It’s sexual disfunction
It’s blinding rage
It’s damaged relationships
It’s being criticized
It’s being pushed away
It’s being excluded
It’s hopelessness
It’s the echo of your pounding heart
It’s never finding your way
It’s wishing it would take you
It’s being hypersensitive to body language
It’s feeling sorry that your spouse has to attempt to decipher your mood
It’s long days and even longer nights spent lost with no direction
It’s praying for a better day
It’s searching for a distraction
It’s knowing nothing can change
It’s watching your life as an outsider
It’s just wanting to be left alone
It’s knowing this is the best it will get
It’s finding comfort in the pain
It’s fight or flight daily
It’s lost moments
It’s rumors
It’s victim blaming
It’s hearing their whispers
It’s being called crazy
It’s judgment and being told it’s just attention seeking
It’s complex because it affects every part of who I am
It’s so much more than this EVERY SINGLE DAY
Speaking only from my perspective and experience since I live it every minute of my life.

xoxo

The Broken Inside of Me
6/12/19
Continue reading “Complex PTSD”

Lost Somewhere Inbetween

The sun is setting

My mind begins to wander

Dissecting the day

The emotions rush back to me

Sadness

Hopelessness

Despair

Anger

Loneliness

Shame

Unable to count the times I have told myself

They hate you

You will never be good enough

You are a failure

You will always be broken

It’s your fault

They deserve better

He deserves better

You suck at everything

Why can’t you just be better

There are moments of light that soothe the pain, while distracting my thoughts

Casting a ray of sunshine

The intertwining darkness and destruction overlap

Suffocating the light and strength

Mixed emotions

Struggling to just be

As the beauty of the day dips into the darkness of night

Eternally conflicted

Struggling within

I might be lost

Still searching for peace

However, I am thankful to have seen another day

And the beauty of the sunset isn’t lost on me.

August 31, 2018


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