Burning Grief

Pouring it out
Like gasoline
Onto embers

Discarded reflections
Tossed over
Sorting it all out

Striking the match
Igniting pain
Pieces engulfed
Burning it down

Completely hollow
Lost or profound

Crackling grief

The sound of healing
Stoking memories
Smoke billows peace
Breathing relief

Slate wiped clean
Ashes floating
Carrying secrets hidden deep
Therapeutic release


Quietly watching
I wander
Lost in thought
Desperately hoping
For the peace
That eludes me each night
Continually seeking
For something
I have yet to find
In the antelucan hour
Between the darkness and light
I find beauty
An internal battle
Yesterhurt reminders
Stealing my time
Shadowing light
I continue
The war inside

Finding Me

Illusion of sanity
Dredging up feelings
Down a dark hall
Reluctantly treading
Reliving suppressed memories
Void of empathy
Desperate screams
Darkness strangles me
Reflection of horror
Visual tragedy
Dissociative revelation
Feeling the intensity
Buried by unforgiving clarity
Guided by relentless strength
Pursuit of unity within me





As I lay here
On steady ground
I feel it beginning
There is no escaping

I turn to my stomach
As if to hold on tighter
And brace harder for the impact
Every muscle in my body tensing
My heart pounding against the ground
The silence is deafening
As the sunshine takes my sight

I keep pushing
Its not helping
I can feel it coming
I close my eyes

Still edging closer
As the thoughts race to the surface
Vivid scenes quickly flash through my mind

I can’t stop it
Not this time
Extremely uncomfortable
Both body & mind
It has a way of resurfacing at the wrong time
As if it can sense my vulnerability

I should know this
As soon as I stop running
It arrives
Running from the horror
Desperately seeking me Chasing me
Just waiting
In my tortured little mind


Kindness is Free

While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear

We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact

Self doubt
These will love us to death

You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same

Be the change
Accept without limitations


I See

I can hear it
The violence in his tone
The anger in his expression
The intensity in his stance
The hate in the words unspoken

I just met you but I see you
The you that is cleverly hidden
It’s not
You’re not
I feel it
I see it
I sense every bad piece of who you are

I possess a innate ability to read between the versions of you being presented with a smile

Trauma does that
A little gift, I wish I never received
The broken pieces
The broken inside of me
They see


Darkness and Moonlight

Under the glow of a brightly lit crimson moon she found herself lost
Lost in the magnificence
Lost in the glory of its stunning brightness
Lost in the simple beauty of nature’s nightlight
Lost in a world around her
Lost is the time that seemed to stand still
Lost in a memory
Lost in how it made her feel
Lost in the silence
Lost in the memories
She was coming undone
This time she would not run
The darkness she had always feared
Uncomfortable but a place she very well knows
That moment she made a choice
Forgiving those apologies that she never heard
Forgiving those that didn’t deserve it
Forgiving herself for harboring hate
Under the big crimson moon she found forgiveness
She released her demons and took back control
She released the horror of that pain
Her truth is now spoken
The words set free
Floating somewhere in the atmosphere and no longer confined in her mind


Forever and Always

There comes a time

When so unexpectedly you cross my mind

No matter the day

No matter the circumstance

My thoughts return to you

Moments of love flash by

Filling my heart

As well as my eyes

When nothing else remains

I only have the memories

Consumed by the pain

I would give everything

For one more minute

Your voice calling out my name

One last embrace

The sound of your laughter

Another moment in your presence

Even a phone call would ease this pain

I’d live this life over a million times

And do it all again

Exactly the same

Just to have you here

So I wouldn’t have to miss one single day

I know how to stop and turn off my brain

But this heart is another story

Since it is experiencing a new level of pain

Moments of strength

Followed by crashing bouts of weakness

Much like the ocean

Calm and serene

Peaceful tides and waves

Its turns in a instant

Leaving sorrow and rage

I’m no longer living

Only treading water

For I am forever changed

Never again to be the same

Senselessly stolen

But I will not let it be in vain

Looking toward a new focus

Setting out to make the difference

Bringing forward much needed change

I stand fast in this affirmation

For you

For the families

For all affected

My promise until my dying day

That not one more person has to face this outcome

Say goodbye

Or walk away knowing it didn’t have to end this way

I may not have known you

But I love you the same

For I have a son, a mother, a brother, a niece, a nephew, extended family, a friend, and to imagine living my life with one of them taken is far too much for me to take

I look forward to another day

When as promised

We can stand face to face

Because my God sent his only son to wash away our sin

He promises life everafter

And in His name I continue to pray

The only thing that remains

Is until then

You will be missed

Your life will live on through memories

As well as serving a purpose so that we may all see brighter days moving forward standing together

Demanding they take notice

Bringing about action

It will forever be in honor of your legacy and name

We will be here diligently working while sorting through the pain.




Repeat Repeat Repeat

Wake up
Task, routines & responsibilities 
Exchange pleasantries 
Smile, nod & wave to the neighbors 
Act like a normal person
Clearly everyone expects that of me
Try to hit pause long enough to take notice & appreciate all the beauty life brings

Now back to pretending 
Task, routines & responsibilities 
Practice selfcare 
Allow space for writing, reflecting, meditation & spirituality 


Task, routines & responsibilities 

Wasting time, can’t think about that now
Have to start it all over 
Task, routines & responsibilities 
Don’t forget
Throw in extra smiles just to switch up the routine

Repeating it all from the beginning 
Wake up
Task, routines & responsibilities 
Again, from the top

Really living
All in my head

Walking around repeating & pretending 

Attempting to prolong the ending
The conclusion
I feel like I’m already dead



How do you dive deeper if it’s missing?

Where do you find the strength to let go?

How do you learn something you have never known?

Where is that relentless determination I have for other things?

How do I embrace the emotion?

Where is the feeling that it brings?

How have I made it this far without it?

Where is that someone for me?

How do I climb this mountain?

Where will I finally jump and unbind these wings?

How do I keep from just face planting?

Where is the connection that it brings?

How will I move forward without the answers to all of these things?

Trust, an allusive bitch or my answer to everything?


Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: