Quietly watching
Anticipating
I wander
Lost in thought
Desperately hoping
For the peace
That eludes me each night
Continually seeking
For something
I have yet to find
In the antelucan hour
Between the darkness and light
I find beauty
Struggling
An internal battle
Acceptance
Forgiveness
Yesterhurt reminders
Stealing my time
Shadowing light
I continue
Fighting
The war inside
Illusion of sanity
Dredging up feelings
Down a dark hall
Reluctantly treading
Reliving suppressed memories
Void of empathy
Desperate screams
Darkness strangles me
Reflection of horror
Visual tragedy
Dissociative revelation
Feeling the intensity
Buried by unforgiving clarity
Guided by relentless strength
Pursuit of unity within me
xoxo
♥️me
10/9/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
#braveandreckless
As I lay here
On steady ground
I feel it beginning
There is no escaping
I turn to my stomach
As if to hold on tighter
And brace harder for the impact
Every muscle in my body tensing
My heart pounding against the ground
The silence is deafening
As the sunshine takes my sight
I keep pushing
Its not helping
I can feel it coming
I close my eyes
Still edging closer
As the thoughts race to the surface
Vivid scenes quickly flash through my mind
I can’t stop it
Not this time
Extremely uncomfortable
Both body & mind
It has a way of resurfacing at the wrong time
As if it can sense my vulnerability
I should know this
As soon as I stop running
It arrives
Running from the horror
Desperately seeking me Chasing me
Just waiting
In my tortured little mind
xoxo
♥️me
7/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear
We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact
Fear
Shame
Self doubt
Judgment
These will love us to death
You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same
Be the change
Empower
Inspire
Accept without limitations
xoxo
♥️me
8/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
I can hear it
The violence in his tone
The anger in his expression
The intensity in his stance
The hate in the words unspoken
I just met you but I see you
The you that is cleverly hidden
It’s not
You’re not
I feel it
I see it
I sense every bad piece of who you are
I possess a innate ability to read between the versions of you being presented with a smile
Trauma does that
A little gift, I wish I never received
The broken pieces
The broken inside of me
They see
xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
7/29/2019
Under the glow of a brightly lit crimson moon she found herself lost
Lost in the magnificence
Lost in the glory of its stunning brightness
Lost in the simple beauty of nature’s nightlight
Lost in a world around her
Lost is the time that seemed to stand still
Lost in a memory
Lost in how it made her feel
Lost in the silence
Lost in the memories
She was coming undone
This time she would not run
Standing
Embracing
The darkness she had always feared
Uncomfortable but a place she very well knows
That moment she made a choice
Forgiveness
Forgiving those apologies that she never heard
Forgiving those that didn’t deserve it
Forgiving herself for harboring hate
Under the big crimson moon she found forgiveness
She released her demons and took back control
She released the horror of that pain
Her truth is now spoken
The words set free
Floating somewhere in the atmosphere and no longer confined in her mind
xoxo
♥️me
7/18/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
There comes a time
When so unexpectedly you cross my mind
No matter the day
No matter the circumstance
My thoughts return to you
Moments of love flash by
Filling my heart
As well as my eyes
When nothing else remains
I only have the memories
Consumed by the pain
I would give everything
For one more minute
Your voice calling out my name
One last embrace
The sound of your laughter
Another moment in your presence
Even a phone call would ease this pain
I’d live this life over a million times
And do it all again
Exactly the same
Just to have you here
So I wouldn’t have to miss one single day
I know how to stop and turn off my brain
But this heart is another story
Since it is experiencing a new level of pain
Moments of strength
Followed by crashing bouts of weakness
Much like the ocean
Calm and serene
Peaceful tides and waves
Its turns in a instant
Leaving sorrow and rage
I’m no longer living
Only treading water
For I am forever changed
Never again to be the same
Senselessly stolen
But I will not let it be in vain
Looking toward a new focus
Setting out to make the difference
Bringing forward much needed change
I stand fast in this affirmation
For you
For the families
For all affected
My promise until my dying day
That not one more person has to face this outcome
Say goodbye
Or walk away knowing it didn’t have to end this way
I may not have known you
But I love you the same
For I have a son, a mother, a brother, a niece, a nephew, extended family, a friend, and to imagine living my life with one of them taken is far too much for me to take
I look forward to another day
When as promised
We can stand face to face
Because my God sent his only son to wash away our sin
He promises life everafter
And in His name I continue to pray
The only thing that remains
Is until then
You will be missed
Your life will live on through memories
As well as serving a purpose so that we may all see brighter days moving forward standing together
Demanding they take notice
Bringing about action
It will forever be in honor of your legacy and name
We will be here diligently working while sorting through the pain.
xoxo
♥️me
5/29/2018
thebrokeninsideofme
Wake up
Task, routines & responsibilities
Eat
Exchange pleasantries
Smile, nod & wave to the neighbors
Act like a normal person
Clearly everyone expects that of me
Try to hit pause long enough to take notice & appreciate all the beauty life brings
Now back to pretending
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Task, routines & responsibilities
Eat
Practice selfcare
Allow space for writing, reflecting, meditation & spirituality
Unpause
Task, routines & responsibilities
Eat
Sleep
Repeat
Wasting time, can’t think about that now
Have to start it all over
Task, routines & responsibilities
Don’t forget
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Throw in extra smiles just to switch up the routine
Tomorrow,
Repeating it all from the beginning
Wake up
Task, routines & responsibilities
Eat
Again, from the top
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Really living
All in my head
Or
Walking around repeating & pretending
Attempting to prolong the ending
The conclusion
I feel like I’m already dead
xoxo
♥️me
7/6/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme
How do you dive deeper if it’s missing?
Where do you find the strength to let go?
How do you learn something you have never known?
Where is that relentless determination I have for other things?
How do I embrace the emotion?
Where is the feeling that it brings?
How have I made it this far without it?
Where is that someone for me?
How do I climb this mountain?
Where will I finally jump and unbind these wings?
How do I keep from just face planting?
Where is the connection that it brings?
How will I move forward without the answers to all of these things?
Trust, an allusive bitch or my answer to everything?
xoxo
♥️me
7/4/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme
