Moonlight

Quietly watching
Anticipating
I wander
Lost in thought
Desperately hoping
For the peace
That eludes me each night
Continually seeking
For something
I have yet to find
In the antelucan hour
Between the darkness and light
I find beauty
Struggling
An internal battle
Acceptance
Forgiveness
Yesterhurt reminders
Stealing my time
Shadowing light
I continue
Fighting
The war inside


Deserted

I wander quietly on a deserted beach

Tides of emotions caress me

Love crashing against the sea

Bitter chill in the breeze

A million thoughts

Questioning everything

🖤

The truth

It was real

It’s done

Heartache’s silent embrace

Gift of Finality


I Choose Me

 

You promised me so many things

Tired of forcing this

Constantly struggling

You made me believe

I should have known

I was never enough

I will never live up to your expectations of who I should be

If you could look back

Reflect on the silence

All the times I was at my weakest

I took a chance

I finally spoke

And you used it against me

No longer the person I use to be

Once Strong, now weak

I am nothing and everything to you

All I ever wanted was to just be me

Tired of drowning in this misery

Pretending we are happy

It’s time

I choose me

xoxo

♥me

9/14/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Harvey

Well it’s been one year
Since your path of destruction danced across Texas

Like an uninvited guest
You lingered way too long
Finally your departure cleared way for sunshine and sorrow

Our community submerged but we joined together and came out fighting Bay Colony Strong

Flooded with emotion
Depleted of the basic necessities
Relying on the kindness of strangers and a few close friends/family

Grateful for surviving
But our whole life sitting on the curb
Soaking wet memories floating around
Everything reduced to nothing but an eyesore as the trash continued to pile up
Before I knew it the house was no longer visible except for the 2nd story

Unfortunately it wasn’t just isolated to us but many families shared the same horror
Seeing everything you worked so hard for sitting there damaged day after day, week after week was an unwanted daily reminder of all you lost however I tell myself to focus on the positive, be grateful it wasn’t a worse outcome and say a prayer for those that paid the ultimate cost

So many stressed, sad and heartbroken faces but can’t deal with that now because the bank, the insurance, the mortgage, the claims, FEMA, must pull it all together, document everything, take pictures, make videos, get the vehicles towed, check in daily, send emails, make calls, do demo and try to remain calm when they are all attempting to screw you over but because we are parents and the kiddos have been through enough so had to suck it up and save the tears for later and maintain my composure until he is in bed then it’s your time and you could completely lose it and breakdown

Your most cherished items can never be replaced and the sight of them covered in mold and nastiness, leaves a profound feeling of sadness
But there is so much to do so you push it way, refocus and thank God for surviving and delivering the angels that show up as complete strangers ready to help anyway they can

I am forever changed by their Kindness
Compassion
Willingness to help
For feeding my family
Delivering bottled water
Household Supplies
Prayers in the driveway
Encouragement
Doing our laundry
Just listening
And so much more

Ignorant to what we would be facing moving forward, is an understatement but I hope to never need this knowledge or experience ever again

Yes, it has only been one year
but to be honest it has felt like 10 and at other times it feels as if it was only weeks ago, when the weight of it slowly starts to consume me, I flash back to the moments of fear for so many who were close to not being found

Instead they were rescued just moments before they were out of options and they would have drowned
So many lives lost, not just those needing rescue but also those who risked it all for complete strangers to ensure they were delivered to a safe place on higher and dry ground

We, like so many others, are still not finished rebuilding, restoring, overcoming, or least of all ready, willing or able to deal with or face the overwhelming emotions, brought back a million times by each thunderstorm or heavy rainfall, that has threatened our progress and challenged our sanity ever since

We definitely lost it all
But like others in our community we just keep moving, pushing forward, thankful for the blessings, those that stepped up, showed us kindness, and made this whole nightmare a joint effort to help each other

It was the most beautiful outcome to experience and witness
No judgment
No hate
No fighting
No social media bashing
No rude comments
No asshole drivers
No typical daily distractions

Just an overwhelming effort to join together, support, aid and help your community
We all did what we could even if it was just sitting and listening or embracing a neighbor as the tears came rolling down

We were not just residents of Galveston county but instead just one big community banded together
What an incredible memory
It has been a year but I’ll always be thankful for those moments and will forever carry them with me
They were that profoundxoxo

♥️me

8/27/2018

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Lost Direction

Seeking clarity
Looking for answers
Lost in this misery
My life is a series of routes
Unfortunately there are many delays

The unexpected roadblocks
Send me retreating in fear
Those disastrous detours
Leave me lost with only the memories

A lifetime of construction
Provides only temporary solutions
The complete closures
I wish I felt more comfortable here

These routes I travel have all resulted in the same broken heart
Each has imprinted my mind with a lesson
Some left life altering scars

Each impacting me totally but continuously tearing me apart
Completely lost
Lost with no direction

Prisoner of my own brain
Desperately seeking direction
Too bad I haven’t stumbled across that yet

Facing this road alone
Solitary confinement eases my soul and kinda feels like home
I continue searching without direction

A nomadic existence
Playing a character in my own life
Slowly treading water
Lost out here
No direction

Desperately trying
Hoping one day, I’ll finally find a space of comfort
Maybe then I can finally let someone in.

xoxo
♥️me
The Broken Inside of Me
3-31-19




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