Deserted

I wander quietly on a deserted beach

Tides of emotions caress me

Love crashing against the sea

Bitter chill in the breeze

A million thoughts

Questioning everything

🖤

The truth

It was real

It’s done

Heartache’s silent embrace

Gift of Finality


Alone

Which version do you prefer me to be?

The me that doesn’t always suit you quite so perfectly

The me that fits your perception of who I should be

The me who never has moments of weakness that brings me to my knees

It is difficult trying to be who everyone wants me to be

One day I’m going to only have myself to please

I reach out for your hand, repeatedly waiting just for someone to understand

Love me

Hate me

There is no in between

I understand though because I feel the same things

I’ve spent my whole life just trying to breathe

Still to this day I run, I hide, driving around aimlessly in an attempt ignore the brokenness that is inside

The only thing I really need is someone to listen and comfort the pieces that are me

I know they say love comes with a cost Maybe I’m just tired of feeling so damn lost

Not feeling accepted has taken a toll on me

Devastation added on top of the underlying pain

Nothing I can do but sit holding no one accountable

What else would you expect me to do

I turn it all inside

Carrying all the burdens

Hiding all the shame

Running from the memories

At the end of the day I have no one to blame

It’s ok though because I know that pain

I feel invisible

Nothing to lose

Oh wait, that’s right

That’s when I get told I don’t have a clue

I wonder if I’ve ever really showed anyone who I really am

My broken pieces run far to deep

Inside my demons constantly keeping me from sleep

Continually re-victimized by the very same voices that keep feeding me lies

Just when I feel I can’t hold on one more day, it occurs to me that no one is coming to save me and it doesn’t even matter if I were to walk away

All the labels and judgment

Fill my ears

But again no one knows the shell of a woman standing in front of them

Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too picky

Too upset

Too cautious

Too angry

Too hurt

Too organized

Too right

Too wrong

Too isolated

Too weak

Too strong

Too emotional

Too tired

Too sexy

Too much

Too difficult

Too quiet

Too old

Too kind

Too loud

Too thoughtful

Too busy

Too hyper

Too complicated

Too Broken

Surrounded by all the voices

Seeming so intrigued

Fascinated by my words & wisdom

They like me

They love me

Oops once again I’ve been misled

They were only passing the time

And never again thought of me

Have you ever truly felt this alone?


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Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea

Completely

Words spoken
Sounds like a symphony
Stirring every part of me
Temperature increased
Eyes wide open
Smiling
Joy rolling down my cheeks
Captivating words
Three little things
Multitude of emotions
Intoxicating
Capacity of love
Taste sweet
Flowing off your tongue
Enticing
Accepting me
Grabbing my heart
Free falling into forever
Caressing reality
Holding a dream
Tangled sensations
My body
Your love
My heart
Yours
Completely


xoxo
♥️me
9/1/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Silence

As I sit here alone, the upstairs window slightly opened, as the rain has temporarily subsided and the silence that I often seek and find comfort in, is almost unbearable as the horror of the last 30 hours consumes me. There are no calls, no texts, no helicopters circling around, no sounds of rushing water below me echoing with the most terrifying sound, no visuals before me of the frightened parents faces and neighbors sitting out of their second story windows because they don’t want to drown, there are no white bed sheets hanging to mark their presence or towels whipping back & fourth in shear desperation on the front porches around me so that they too would soon be found. The saddness, the fear, the heartbreak, the worry, and the blank stares of facing this disaster was undoubtly showing, and is a memory that I will forever carry around. An experience I never wanted but for whatever reason Hurricane Harvey has continued to disrupt, and dance around Texas, just look for the path of greatest destruction and that’s were I’ll be found.

A parade of makeshift rafts, canoes, even whole beds adorned with blow up floats, pool noodles or whatever they had laying around, something…..anything in their quiet desperation that would aid them in getting out safely to help ensure they would be floating and eventually found.

The news is no longer on blaring and enhanced with continual tornado warnings to take cover but instead now I only hear the sound of frogs loudly calling, maybe they too have been forced from their safe place or sanctuary and are looking for their families who are no where to be found.

Maybe these thoughts, questions and surreal memories are too fresh for me to process, since it’s far from being over, as I am still seeking higher ground.

xoxo

♥️me

8/28/2017

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Embrace

Just as she stepped into the light
Regret consumed her
Not regret of the words
Regret for the attention
She felt the power of her story
However the attention scared her
She wanted to move forward
But from the shadows
Alas her name would change
The facts did not
Her feelings
Her experiences
Her wants
Her fantasies
They were her words
Just hidden behind an alias
Surely they would see the truth in the words
The depth in her eyes
The passion in her smirk
The joy in her smile
Longing to be heard
To find her place
She stepped further
Into the words
And delighted in their embrace

xoxo
♥️me
8/18/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Kindness is Free

While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear

We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact

Fear
Shame
Self doubt
Judgment
These will love us to death

You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same

Be the change
Empower
Inspire
Accept without limitations


xoxo
♥️me
8/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Words

Words
So powerful
Invoking emotion
A genuine smile
A vehement reply
A tearful release
A joyous display
A passionate embrace
Words
The creative instrument used to express the emotions of our day

xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
7/26/2019

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