Forever

Forever

Standing in the pain
Lost direction
Continue ahead for more of the same
Turn and walk away
I remain lost with no direction
I inch along the path seeking clarity

Dark
Damp
Gloomy
My existence
The choices before me
The path ahead
All practically the same

Lost in thought
The weather mimics my emotions
Rain drops fall
The tears follow
Each serving a purpose
Repairing, healing and growing
Washing the slate clean

Detour ahead for the heart, body and soul

Forever

A word used often
Doesn’t always play out as it is defined to mean
Interpreting it has a way of meaning two different things

Anthology

I am incredibly honored to have 3 pieces selected for inclusion in the anthology, Screaming from the Silence

@vociferouspress @nightandsparrow

Screaming from the Silence consists of three sections:

Stanzas from the Silence – poetry

Stories from the Silence – prose

Sketches from the Silence – visual art

Coming January 2020

Moonlight

Quietly watching
Anticipating
I wander
Lost in thought
Desperately hoping
For the peace
That eludes me each night
Continually seeking
For something
I have yet to find
In the antelucan hour
Between the darkness and light
I find beauty
Struggling
An internal battle
Acceptance
Forgiveness
Yesterhurt reminders
Stealing my time
Shadowing light
I continue
Fighting
The war inside


Deserted

I wander quietly on a deserted beach

Tides of emotions caress me

Love crashing against the sea

Bitter chill in the breeze

A million thoughts

Questioning everything

🖤

The truth

It was real

It’s done

Heartache’s silent embrace

Gift of Finality


Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea

2017 Tried to Break Me

2017 has come to an end, I just want to take a moment to let you know, for me this is how it’s been.

A couple of resolutions that I finally made my priority, when I put my mind to something, then you know that it isn’t a maybe but a 100% guarantee. I have worked my ass off (quite literally) to be the best possible version of me I can be. I have won some, lost some but I continue to start each day with a fresh perspective, renewed purpose and try again. I’m still proud of the better me, that I strive each day to be.

My physical health was one of those top priorities and I’m happy to report that there’s a much healthier and smaller version of me going into 2018. It’s astonishing the difference a few pounds can have on so many things. I found an amazing gym family that always sets their focus on empowering women, positive vibes, inspiring, the beauty in each member and lots of dancing, laughing, booty werk and all the sillyness that fits me perfectly.

Unfortunately I did have a few health issues that required 3 emergency surgeries and I’m still recovering from the last one. I pray it gets better and don’t lose my sight permanently.

Another focus was to dig down deep in order to sit with my anger, pain, and finally talk about some of the broken pieces that have been hidden inside for an eternity. While that has taken a toll on some relationships, finally calling someone out on their bullshit was quite therapeutic for me.

I shouldn’t have been so surprised when you waited until no one was around in order to spew all that hatred and completely obliterate every part of me but at the end of the day, you will forever stay stuck with only the memories and the knowledge that you will never again hear from me. Continue to twist the words for sympathy, turn others againist me, but please remember I know who you really are since those evil pieces were inherited by me. The difference is I turn it inward instead of using it as arsenal againist those I call family. I’ll be the scapegoat of your pretend fairytale family since you’ve paid such close attention to convince others and have a real talent for re-writing the truth out of actual history. I’m the one covered in the physical and mental scars of your choices, your mistakes, your neglect so there is no lying to me.

My little Sky bear, a true gift from God, has absolutely grown into the most perfect guy and I cherish his love, laughter and all the sweetness he shows me. I am so proud of him in so many ways, his heart, his intelligence, his strength, his ambition, his complete acceptance and the many things he has taught me. I adore his morning hugs and cuddles and the fact that I get to be his Mom, his safe place and I love him 100% unconditionally.

I’ve experienced some amazing success, loss, heartbreak but still was able to find my inner peace. I have laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. I’ve cried so hard all I could do was fall to the floor and beg God for his loving mercy.

In some of my darkest hours I found myself completely alone, I know I’m a complex person but just needed the same love and support in return that I have always shown. I’ve given up control of a few things in order to better focus my energy on those most important to me. I have realized that there is a very small number of people in this entire world that I can depend on if I’m in an emergency, go to for advice, won’t judge or share my words and accepts my crazy, silly, loud, broken and all the sharp edges that makeup the pieces that are me.

Thanks to the devastation from hurricane Harvey, I’ve lived through some terrifying and stressful moments that still continue. When you see your whole life floating under water it is a new sadness that I didn’t want to know. Trying to rebuild this house isn’t an easy task and it still doesn’t have the same warm feeling as the place I use to call my home.

We are no closer to being finished as we were a month ago, in fact the only things accomplished so far are new walls, partial flooring, and some doors half done so a long road ahead until I can finally say we are done.

Water has always been my safe place, something that provided comfort but now the rain brings back those memories of quite desperation and the fear of the unknown.

The kindness of a few people, mostly complete strangers, fed my family, provided necessities, even helped with demo when there was no one else who was here to help my family. It was a surreal feeling not knowing how I would fed my family, we were stuck, no vehicles, no kitchen, no frig or freezer so only some pantry items that didn’t get ruined and I didn’t eat for days to ensure my guys had enough because that’s what was most important to me.

Thanksgiving day came & went, we had chips & dips and went driving around since I finally had a car again to get out of the house and see some pre black Friday deals. I truly felt like a failure as a mom since that is never the thanksgiving memory I wanted him to have but couldn’t prepare him a big feast and with no invites for dinner I did the best I could with what I had.

I hope and pray that 2018 is a more joyful year and that we are able to put all the missing & broken pieces together and re-direct our focus on the hopes, dreams and make many happy memories that will bring smiles to my little family because that is what I hold close to my heart and their happiness is most important to me.


xoxo
♥️Me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
12/31/2017

Embrace

Just as she stepped into the light
Regret consumed her
Not regret of the words
Regret for the attention
She felt the power of her story
However the attention scared her
She wanted to move forward
But from the shadows
Alas her name would change
The facts did not
Her feelings
Her experiences
Her wants
Her fantasies
They were her words
Just hidden behind an alias
Surely they would see the truth in the words
The depth in her eyes
The passion in her smirk
The joy in her smile
Longing to be heard
To find her place
She stepped further
Into the words
And delighted in their embrace

xoxo
♥️me
8/18/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Kindness is Free

While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear

We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact

Fear
Shame
Self doubt
Judgment
These will love us to death

You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same

Be the change
Empower
Inspire
Accept without limitations


xoxo
♥️me
8/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

She Is

As she began drifting off to sleep
The music filled her ears
Tears filled her eyes Gratitude filled her heart
An awakening for her

The cold dark space brought her such peace and comfort tonight

The time had finally come to release the energy that has been drowning her for so long

She could feel something different tonight and it was the most pure sense of joy and appreciation, something she had never experienced before

It was reminding her, she made it through another day
And this day was no different than those that came before it
But the difference tonight was her

As her body begins to release the tension of the day
She mindfully starts unwinding
Scanning the moments that were a reflection of her day

She was having a good day
Experiencing some genuine moments that made her smile
Some that touched her soul

Some anxiousness but not too extreme and it was manageable

She, again went back to focusing on letting go of the negative and celebrating the positive
A few short cycles of quick breaths
Inhale, exhale
Inhale, exhale
Inhale, exhale
Focusing on her breathing while being aware of her surroundings

Taking a long deep breath in and with the slow release of a cleansing breath out
She sighed deeply to exhale all the toxic energy

Tomorrow she will wake refreshed
She will inhale positivity
She will exhale negativity
She will focus on kindness
She will allow herself to feel the emotions
She will see the good in those that surround her
She will practice patience
She will spend her time mindful of each moment, while offering gratitude for the life she has been given so graciously

Her broken pieces do not define her today or tomorrow
They never have
She is seeing that with clarity now
They are simply a piece of who she is, not the entire picture

She offers gratitude for that today and tomorrow
And all the days that come after that forever more.

She will remember
She is beautifully and wonderfully made
She is talented and accomplished
She is loved
She is thoughtful
She is passionate
She is inspirational
She is intelligent
Because she so is

She is worthy of all life has to offer her
She is breathing in her blessings
She is realizing her value
She is taking control
She is enough
She always was
She just couldn’t see it through the pain

xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme
7/4/2019

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: