Twas the night before Christmas out in the country Everyone was sleeping Snoring can be heard all through the house My gun close by if I were to see a mouse
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care I hope this yummy chocolate candy wasn’t meant to go in there
Out in the hall I made a big clatter Gathering all the necessities for a little late night platter
It was a long drive here And a few cappuccinos has me wired up so sleep is not near
Visions of family time, gifts and snacks While trying to remain focused while driving Singing and dodging all the deer
Now that I think about it I could really go for a beer So out on the porch I sit listening to the sounds Staring at the stars Freezing my ass off even with all my layered winter gear
Pretty sure I hear a pig, or a coyote, maybe a deer But it’s totally normal in these types of towns
I wonder if there are any bears Gasp, OMG the chupacabra could also live here Well frick I hope not If I’m not seen in the morning I probably wandered off in search of the perfect lighting to capture photos of creatures near
The thing about the silence Any and all noise definitely travels around I’m almost certain the rustle of my late night snacks have already awakened The 5 people that live in this town
There are so many of you that make me feel your words so deeply, that I look forward to reading your new writings when you post them.
You challenge my thoughts, inspire my soul, provoke deep emotions, provide comfort, make me smile, and often remind me that whatever I am facing, I am not alone. I truly appreciate your words, your soul baring, raw truths and the way it impacts me and so many others.
Embracing your unapologetic authenticity can be daunting and sharing it to the world, a true strength, I admire. I offer my gratitude to each of you.
Our journey may be different Our needs evolve over time Our wants fluctuate Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters
Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat
When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface This isn’t the way your life has to go
Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever
The water, like our emotions, can be misleading Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea Alternatively The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach
Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance It’s your journey It’s your life, in your hands Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in
The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense
The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within
So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand You only need to take that chance grab it
We each need assistance at some point
For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions
Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.
It’s a beautiful Friday morning and I appreciate every single one of you. The connections, the conversations, the likes, your words, your writing, your personalities, your perspective, your photos, I love and appreciate it all!
This is truly a place I feel my most vulnerable and celebrated at the same time. I am so grateful ♥️ it’s because of you, your struggle, your truths, your stories, your jokes, your encouraging words and everything Inbetween!
I’m here, I see it, I feel it, I appreciate it and I offer my deepest gratitude ♥️
Word can not convey the emotions felt daily as I read your words and communicate with you.
You inspire me daily You provoke thought You provide answers You validate my truth You accept me as I am An amazing community
I just thought you should know, I see and I am eternally grateful ♥️
A Blessing Warm cries Swollen eyes Outstretched arms Parent’s Bliss Softly sang lullabies Comfort Little kiss The world in those eyes Dancing with dreams Drifting off peacefully Sweet little baby My niece Auntie loves you Infinity
2017 has come to an end, I just want to take a moment to let you know, for me this is how it’s been.
A couple of resolutions that I finally made my priority, when I put my mind to something, then you know that it isn’t a maybe but a 100% guarantee. I have worked my ass off (quite literally) to be the best possible version of me I can be. I have won some, lost some but I continue to start each day with a fresh perspective, renewed purpose and try again. I’m still proud of the better me, that I strive each day to be.
My physical health was one of those top priorities and I’m happy to report that there’s a much healthier and smaller version of me going into 2018. It’s astonishing the difference a few pounds can have on so many things. I found an amazing gym family that always sets their focus on empowering women, positive vibes, inspiring, the beauty in each member and lots of dancing, laughing, booty werk and all the sillyness that fits me perfectly.
Unfortunately I did have a few health issues that required 3 emergency surgeries and I’m still recovering from the last one. I pray it gets better and don’t lose my sight permanently.
Another focus was to dig down deep in order to sit with my anger, pain, and finally talk about some of the broken pieces that have been hidden inside for an eternity. While that has taken a toll on some relationships, finally calling someone out on their bullshit was quite therapeutic for me.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised when you waited until no one was around in order to spew all that hatred and completely obliterate every part of me but at the end of the day, you will forever stay stuck with only the memories and the knowledge that you will never again hear from me. Continue to twist the words for sympathy, turn others againist me, but please remember I know who you really are since those evil pieces were inherited by me. The difference is I turn it inward instead of using it as arsenal againist those I call family. I’ll be the scapegoat of your pretend fairytale family since you’ve paid such close attention to convince others and have a real talent for re-writing the truth out of actual history. I’m the one covered in the physical and mental scars of your choices, your mistakes, your neglect so there is no lying to me.
My little Sky bear, a true gift from God, has absolutely grown into the most perfect guy and I cherish his love, laughter and all the sweetness he shows me. I am so proud of him in so many ways, his heart, his intelligence, his strength, his ambition, his complete acceptance and the many things he has taught me. I adore his morning hugs and cuddles and the fact that I get to be his Mom, his safe place and I love him 100% unconditionally.
I’ve experienced some amazing success, loss, heartbreak but still was able to find my inner peace. I have laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. I’ve cried so hard all I could do was fall to the floor and beg God for his loving mercy.
In some of my darkest hours I found myself completely alone, I know I’m a complex person but just needed the same love and support in return that I have always shown. I’ve given up control of a few things in order to better focus my energy on those most important to me. I have realized that there is a very small number of people in this entire world that I can depend on if I’m in an emergency, go to for advice, won’t judge or share my words and accepts my crazy, silly, loud, broken and all the sharp edges that makeup the pieces that are me.
Thanks to the devastation from hurricane Harvey, I’ve lived through some terrifying and stressful moments that still continue. When you see your whole life floating under water it is a new sadness that I didn’t want to know. Trying to rebuild this house isn’t an easy task and it still doesn’t have the same warm feeling as the place I use to call my home.
We are no closer to being finished as we were a month ago, in fact the only things accomplished so far are new walls, partial flooring, and some doors half done so a long road ahead until I can finally say we are done.
Water has always been my safe place, something that provided comfort but now the rain brings back those memories of quite desperation and the fear of the unknown.
The kindness of a few people, mostly complete strangers, fed my family, provided necessities, even helped with demo when there was no one else who was here to help my family. It was a surreal feeling not knowing how I would fed my family, we were stuck, no vehicles, no kitchen, no frig or freezer so only some pantry items that didn’t get ruined and I didn’t eat for days to ensure my guys had enough because that’s what was most important to me.
Thanksgiving day came & went, we had chips & dips and went driving around since I finally had a car again to get out of the house and see some pre black Friday deals. I truly felt like a failure as a mom since that is never the thanksgiving memory I wanted him to have but couldn’t prepare him a big feast and with no invites for dinner I did the best I could with what I had.
I hope and pray that 2018 is a more joyful year and that we are able to put all the missing & broken pieces together and re-direct our focus on the hopes, dreams and make many happy memories that will bring smiles to my little family because that is what I hold close to my heart and their happiness is most important to me.