I held it in It was hard but I managed Inside I was breaking But I smiled
Just a little boy heading off on an adventure You will always be that little boy to me As the flight attendant took your hand I gripped tight to my emotions A mother’s love Ensuring you didn’t see
No tears would fall Heading towards the plane Your back to me I stood waiting
All my effort focused on holding back the emotions Just before you were out of sight You turned back to me Those eyes Fear and uncertainty
Again I smiled That reassuring glow Just enough You smiled back A little wave
To say, I’m ok Mom
Then you were gone A sigh release For I could no longer control the emotions bubbling up inside me With tears streaming down my face Unable to compose myself I walked away
Through the airport Where we had both arrived I now walked alone And I cried
I don’t remember the drive home I do remember feeling so alone The house was silent I waited for your call The phone finally rang It was you You made it there safely
The next 2 weeks Seemed like an eternity But before I knew it I was back at the airport Impatiently waiting
I caught a glimpse My little boy Running full speed Tears again in my eyes
You missed me too Big hugs Lots of smiles
My sweet boy Momma loves you And is so happy for you to be back home with her tonight.
Watching
I slowly remove each piece
Discarded clothes
You studying every curve
Beautiful fantasy
Your gaze reflects need
My body
My soul
My offering
Yours to keep
Command me
Lead me
Guiding desire
Submissive perfection
I
Am
Yours
Exquisitely
There are so many of you that make me feel your words so deeply, that I look forward to reading your new writings when you post them.
You challenge my thoughts, inspire my soul, provoke deep emotions, provide comfort, make me smile, and often remind me that whatever I am facing, I am not alone. I truly appreciate your words, your soul baring, raw truths and the way it impacts me and so many others.
Embracing your unapologetic authenticity can be daunting and sharing it to the world, a true strength, I admire. I offer my gratitude to each of you.
She said a million things A few still resonate with me Visions of love, compassion and grace Reflecting through the smile on her face She didn’t have to love me She didn’t have to raise me She didn’t have to pick me But she did Adoption is everything to me It is how I am still able to chase my dreams
A woman of such incredible beauty Her kindness shines through the memories While she is gone, she is still here Dementia has stolen her memory But occasionally she comes back to me The last time she did My mother told me how much she has missed me, how proud she is of me and how much she loves me Those are the moments I cherish For one day soon It will be all that I will have to hold on to.
It’s a beautiful Friday morning and I appreciate every single one of you. The connections, the conversations, the likes, your words, your writing, your personalities, your perspective, your photos, I love and appreciate it all!
This is truly a place I feel my most vulnerable and celebrated at the same time. I am so grateful ♥️ it’s because of you, your struggle, your truths, your stories, your jokes, your encouraging words and everything Inbetween!
I’m here, I see it, I feel it, I appreciate it and I offer my deepest gratitude ♥️
Word can not convey the emotions felt daily as I read your words and communicate with you.
You inspire me daily You provoke thought You provide answers You validate my truth You accept me as I am An amazing community
I just thought you should know, I see and I am eternally grateful ♥️
Thank You So Much Catherine, I am truly in awe of you and your kindness. Catherine shares through her writing the impact of childhood trauma, encouragement, and compassion. She is a light to so many. You should definitely go visit her site, say hi and join the wonderful space she has created https://shatter-the-silence.mn.co/?autojoin=1
The Versatile Blogger Award is an Award given to Bloggers from other Bloggers to spread encouraging engagement & too recognize Blogs with unique content.
Seven Facts About Me…
♥ I am a speed reader
♥ I am a tomboy
♥ I practice yoga and meditation
♥ I am vegetarian
♥ The ocean is my favorite place to be
♥ I love to research and learn new things everyday
♥ I am fearless in nature (walked out into the water yesterday to get super close to an alligator to get a picture)
My Nominees are Bloggers who continue to shine a bright light in the Blogging & Writing world. Take a click over to their websites & give them all some love!
A Blessing Warm cries Swollen eyes Outstretched arms Parent’s Bliss Softly sang lullabies Comfort Little kiss The world in those eyes Dancing with dreams Drifting off peacefully Sweet little baby My niece Auntie loves you Infinity
2017 has come to an end, I just want to take a moment to let you know, for me this is how it’s been.
A couple of resolutions that I finally made my priority, when I put my mind to something, then you know that it isn’t a maybe but a 100% guarantee. I have worked my ass off (quite literally) to be the best possible version of me I can be. I have won some, lost some but I continue to start each day with a fresh perspective, renewed purpose and try again. I’m still proud of the better me, that I strive each day to be.
My physical health was one of those top priorities and I’m happy to report that there’s a much healthier and smaller version of me going into 2018. It’s astonishing the difference a few pounds can have on so many things. I found an amazing gym family that always sets their focus on empowering women, positive vibes, inspiring, the beauty in each member and lots of dancing, laughing, booty werk and all the sillyness that fits me perfectly.
Unfortunately I did have a few health issues that required 3 emergency surgeries and I’m still recovering from the last one. I pray it gets better and don’t lose my sight permanently.
Another focus was to dig down deep in order to sit with my anger, pain, and finally talk about some of the broken pieces that have been hidden inside for an eternity. While that has taken a toll on some relationships, finally calling someone out on their bullshit was quite therapeutic for me.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised when you waited until no one was around in order to spew all that hatred and completely obliterate every part of me but at the end of the day, you will forever stay stuck with only the memories and the knowledge that you will never again hear from me. Continue to twist the words for sympathy, turn others againist me, but please remember I know who you really are since those evil pieces were inherited by me. The difference is I turn it inward instead of using it as arsenal againist those I call family. I’ll be the scapegoat of your pretend fairytale family since you’ve paid such close attention to convince others and have a real talent for re-writing the truth out of actual history. I’m the one covered in the physical and mental scars of your choices, your mistakes, your neglect so there is no lying to me.
My little Sky bear, a true gift from God, has absolutely grown into the most perfect guy and I cherish his love, laughter and all the sweetness he shows me. I am so proud of him in so many ways, his heart, his intelligence, his strength, his ambition, his complete acceptance and the many things he has taught me. I adore his morning hugs and cuddles and the fact that I get to be his Mom, his safe place and I love him 100% unconditionally.
I’ve experienced some amazing success, loss, heartbreak but still was able to find my inner peace. I have laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. I’ve cried so hard all I could do was fall to the floor and beg God for his loving mercy.
In some of my darkest hours I found myself completely alone, I know I’m a complex person but just needed the same love and support in return that I have always shown. I’ve given up control of a few things in order to better focus my energy on those most important to me. I have realized that there is a very small number of people in this entire world that I can depend on if I’m in an emergency, go to for advice, won’t judge or share my words and accepts my crazy, silly, loud, broken and all the sharp edges that makeup the pieces that are me.
Thanks to the devastation from hurricane Harvey, I’ve lived through some terrifying and stressful moments that still continue. When you see your whole life floating under water it is a new sadness that I didn’t want to know. Trying to rebuild this house isn’t an easy task and it still doesn’t have the same warm feeling as the place I use to call my home.
We are no closer to being finished as we were a month ago, in fact the only things accomplished so far are new walls, partial flooring, and some doors half done so a long road ahead until I can finally say we are done.
Water has always been my safe place, something that provided comfort but now the rain brings back those memories of quite desperation and the fear of the unknown.
The kindness of a few people, mostly complete strangers, fed my family, provided necessities, even helped with demo when there was no one else who was here to help my family. It was a surreal feeling not knowing how I would fed my family, we were stuck, no vehicles, no kitchen, no frig or freezer so only some pantry items that didn’t get ruined and I didn’t eat for days to ensure my guys had enough because that’s what was most important to me.
Thanksgiving day came & went, we had chips & dips and went driving around since I finally had a car again to get out of the house and see some pre black Friday deals. I truly felt like a failure as a mom since that is never the thanksgiving memory I wanted him to have but couldn’t prepare him a big feast and with no invites for dinner I did the best I could with what I had.
I hope and pray that 2018 is a more joyful year and that we are able to put all the missing & broken pieces together and re-direct our focus on the hopes, dreams and make many happy memories that will bring smiles to my little family because that is what I hold close to my heart and their happiness is most important to me.
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