Flight of Heart

I held it in
It was hard but I managed
Inside I was breaking
But I smiled

Just a little boy heading off on an adventure
You will always be that little boy to me
As the flight attendant took your hand
I gripped tight to my emotions
A mother’s love
Ensuring you didn’t see

No tears would fall
Heading towards the plane
Your back to me
I stood waiting

All my effort focused on holding back the emotions
Just before you were out of sight
You turned back to me
Those eyes
Fear and uncertainty

Again I smiled
That reassuring glow
Just enough
You smiled back
A little wave

To say, I’m ok Mom

Then you were gone
A sigh release
For I could no longer control the emotions bubbling up inside me
With tears streaming down my face
Unable to compose myself
I walked away

Through the airport
Where we had both arrived
I now walked alone
And I cried

I don’t remember the drive home
I do remember feeling so alone
The house was silent
I waited for your call
The phone finally rang
It was you
You made it there safely

The next 2 weeks
Seemed like an eternity
But before I knew it
I was back at the airport
Impatiently waiting

I caught a glimpse
My little boy
Running full speed
Tears again in my eyes

You missed me too
Big hugs
Lots of smiles

My sweet boy
Momma loves you
And is so happy for you to be back home with her tonight.

My Heart

Curse

Giving
Taking
Sadness
You are hurting
Let me comfort you
Difficult to do
I am the source of what’s hurting you

Under my spell
Struggling
Seeping into every part of you
Yearning to hold me
Have me to yourself

Those sharp edges slicing you deep
The best
The worst
My love
Killing you silently

Robbing you of sleep
Lies
Secrets
Overwhelming anxiety
Mind playing tricks on you

Pushing you away
Pulling you back in
Selfish needs

Your drug
The further you fall
Addicted
Flirting with insanity

It’s not your fault
You couldn’t have known
Seductive quality
Dancing with my demons
They put on quite a show

You deserve better
Life in shambles
All because of me
I want so badly to keep you
I won’t though
I set you free

Pain carving into your chest
Paying the price
Loving me
A curse for eternity

Etched in Eternity

When our lips did meet

Warm
Inviting
Divine
Parted slightly

Texture
Smooth
Glistening
Rugged serenity

Taste
Intoxicating
Subtle
Bittersweet
Burning Intensity

Your lips
Last dying kiss
Beautifully haunting
Devastatingly incomplete

A Remembrance
The Finality
Etched in eternity

xoxo
♥️me
10/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Silence

As I sit here alone, the upstairs window slightly opened, as the rain has temporarily subsided and the silence that I often seek and find comfort in, is almost unbearable as the horror of the last 30 hours consumes me. There are no calls, no texts, no helicopters circling around, no sounds of rushing water below me echoing with the most terrifying sound, no visuals before me of the frightened parents faces and neighbors sitting out of their second story windows because they don’t want to drown, there are no white bed sheets hanging to mark their presence or towels whipping back & fourth in shear desperation on the front porches around me so that they too would soon be found. The saddness, the fear, the heartbreak, the worry, and the blank stares of facing this disaster was undoubtly showing, and is a memory that I will forever carry around. An experience I never wanted but for whatever reason Hurricane Harvey has continued to disrupt, and dance around Texas, just look for the path of greatest destruction and that’s were I’ll be found.

A parade of makeshift rafts, canoes, even whole beds adorned with blow up floats, pool noodles or whatever they had laying around, something…..anything in their quiet desperation that would aid them in getting out safely to help ensure they would be floating and eventually found.

The news is no longer on blaring and enhanced with continual tornado warnings to take cover but instead now I only hear the sound of frogs loudly calling, maybe they too have been forced from their safe place or sanctuary and are looking for their families who are no where to be found.

Maybe these thoughts, questions and surreal memories are too fresh for me to process, since it’s far from being over, as I am still seeking higher ground.

xoxo

♥️me

8/28/2017

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Sound of Memories


A melody that echos her presence
Orchestrated by the breeze
Soft tones ring
Amplified hard pings
Cascading notes
Bellowed tings
Amazing compilation
The sound of memories
Once her wind chimes
Now my private symphony

xoxo
♥️me
7/24/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Forever and Always

There comes a time

When so unexpectedly you cross my mind

No matter the day

No matter the circumstance

My thoughts return to you

Moments of love flash by

Filling my heart

As well as my eyes

When nothing else remains

I only have the memories

Consumed by the pain

I would give everything

For one more minute

Your voice calling out my name

One last embrace

The sound of your laughter

Another moment in your presence

Even a phone call would ease this pain

I’d live this life over a million times

And do it all again

Exactly the same

Just to have you here

So I wouldn’t have to miss one single day

I know how to stop and turn off my brain

But this heart is another story

Since it is experiencing a new level of pain

Moments of strength

Followed by crashing bouts of weakness

Much like the ocean

Calm and serene

Peaceful tides and waves

Its turns in a instant

Leaving sorrow and rage

I’m no longer living

Only treading water

For I am forever changed

Never again to be the same

Senselessly stolen

But I will not let it be in vain

Looking toward a new focus

Setting out to make the difference

Bringing forward much needed change

I stand fast in this affirmation

For you

For the families

For all affected

My promise until my dying day

That not one more person has to face this outcome

Say goodbye

Or walk away knowing it didn’t have to end this way

I may not have known you

But I love you the same

For I have a son, a mother, a brother, a niece, a nephew, extended family, a friend, and to imagine living my life with one of them taken is far too much for me to take

I look forward to another day

When as promised

We can stand face to face

Because my God sent his only son to wash away our sin

He promises life everafter

And in His name I continue to pray

The only thing that remains

Is until then

You will be missed

Your life will live on through memories

As well as serving a purpose so that we may all see brighter days moving forward standing together

Demanding they take notice

Bringing about action

It will forever be in honor of your legacy and name

We will be here diligently working while sorting through the pain.

xoxo
♥️me

5/29/2018

thebrokeninsideofme

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