Ever changing story Hidden amongst deceit Shaded memories Meticulously painted Carefully swaying perceptions of who she use to be Self serving quality Imprinted deep Blue, purple & green Scars left unseen Reminding me There use to be truth Distorted so prettily
There are so many of you that make me feel your words so deeply, that I look forward to reading your new writings when you post them.
You challenge my thoughts, inspire my soul, provoke deep emotions, provide comfort, make me smile, and often remind me that whatever I am facing, I am not alone. I truly appreciate your words, your soul baring, raw truths and the way it impacts me and so many others.
Embracing your unapologetic authenticity can be daunting and sharing it to the world, a true strength, I admire. I offer my gratitude to each of you.
2017 has come to an end, I just want to take a moment to let you know, for me this is how it’s been.
A couple of resolutions that I finally made my priority, when I put my mind to something, then you know that it isn’t a maybe but a 100% guarantee. I have worked my ass off (quite literally) to be the best possible version of me I can be. I have won some, lost some but I continue to start each day with a fresh perspective, renewed purpose and try again. I’m still proud of the better me, that I strive each day to be.
My physical health was one of those top priorities and I’m happy to report that there’s a much healthier and smaller version of me going into 2018. It’s astonishing the difference a few pounds can have on so many things. I found an amazing gym family that always sets their focus on empowering women, positive vibes, inspiring, the beauty in each member and lots of dancing, laughing, booty werk and all the sillyness that fits me perfectly.
Unfortunately I did have a few health issues that required 3 emergency surgeries and I’m still recovering from the last one. I pray it gets better and don’t lose my sight permanently.
Another focus was to dig down deep in order to sit with my anger, pain, and finally talk about some of the broken pieces that have been hidden inside for an eternity. While that has taken a toll on some relationships, finally calling someone out on their bullshit was quite therapeutic for me.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised when you waited until no one was around in order to spew all that hatred and completely obliterate every part of me but at the end of the day, you will forever stay stuck with only the memories and the knowledge that you will never again hear from me. Continue to twist the words for sympathy, turn others againist me, but please remember I know who you really are since those evil pieces were inherited by me. The difference is I turn it inward instead of using it as arsenal againist those I call family. I’ll be the scapegoat of your pretend fairytale family since you’ve paid such close attention to convince others and have a real talent for re-writing the truth out of actual history. I’m the one covered in the physical and mental scars of your choices, your mistakes, your neglect so there is no lying to me.
My little Sky bear, a true gift from God, has absolutely grown into the most perfect guy and I cherish his love, laughter and all the sweetness he shows me. I am so proud of him in so many ways, his heart, his intelligence, his strength, his ambition, his complete acceptance and the many things he has taught me. I adore his morning hugs and cuddles and the fact that I get to be his Mom, his safe place and I love him 100% unconditionally.
I’ve experienced some amazing success, loss, heartbreak but still was able to find my inner peace. I have laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. I’ve cried so hard all I could do was fall to the floor and beg God for his loving mercy.
In some of my darkest hours I found myself completely alone, I know I’m a complex person but just needed the same love and support in return that I have always shown. I’ve given up control of a few things in order to better focus my energy on those most important to me. I have realized that there is a very small number of people in this entire world that I can depend on if I’m in an emergency, go to for advice, won’t judge or share my words and accepts my crazy, silly, loud, broken and all the sharp edges that makeup the pieces that are me.
Thanks to the devastation from hurricane Harvey, I’ve lived through some terrifying and stressful moments that still continue. When you see your whole life floating under water it is a new sadness that I didn’t want to know. Trying to rebuild this house isn’t an easy task and it still doesn’t have the same warm feeling as the place I use to call my home.
We are no closer to being finished as we were a month ago, in fact the only things accomplished so far are new walls, partial flooring, and some doors half done so a long road ahead until I can finally say we are done.
Water has always been my safe place, something that provided comfort but now the rain brings back those memories of quite desperation and the fear of the unknown.
The kindness of a few people, mostly complete strangers, fed my family, provided necessities, even helped with demo when there was no one else who was here to help my family. It was a surreal feeling not knowing how I would fed my family, we were stuck, no vehicles, no kitchen, no frig or freezer so only some pantry items that didn’t get ruined and I didn’t eat for days to ensure my guys had enough because that’s what was most important to me.
Thanksgiving day came & went, we had chips & dips and went driving around since I finally had a car again to get out of the house and see some preblack Friday deals. I truly felt like a failure as a mom since that is never the thanksgiving memory I wanted him to have but couldn’t prepare him a big feast and with no invites for dinner I did the best I could with what I had.
I hope and pray that 2018 is a more joyful year and that we are able to put all the missing & broken pieces together and re-direct our focus on the hopes, dreams and make many happy memories that will bring smiles to my little family because that is what I hold close to my heart and their happiness is most important to me.
Covering me Warm heat Sweat drips We tease Cold water Washes over me Floating love Sunshine fantasies Tanned skin Covers the bruise Sweet request Love from you Passion Pain Not the same I crave them both Matching inside Demons never tamed Disaster brewing Across the skin May I have another Tastes like sin Bleed for me Covered in love Fierce Empowered Wings of a dove Stricken bare flesh The power The need Absolute mess Dominant plead Yes Goddess Another for me
Just as she stepped into the light Regret consumed her Not regret of the words Regret for the attention She felt the power of her story However the attention scared her She wanted to move forward But from the shadows Alas her name would change The facts did not Her feelings Her experiences Her wants Her fantasies They were her words Just hidden behind an alias Surely they would see the truth in the words The depth in her eyes The passion in her smirk The joy in her smile Longing to be heard To find her place She stepped further Into the words And delighted in their embrace
While you are judging Others are suffering Silence is a killer Implanting fear
We all just want to be accepted Be kind If negativity leads your words Don’t speak Just listen Sometimes that’s all that is needed It could save a life Something so simple Hearing the words that we are scared to say Tremendous impact
Fear Shame Self doubt Judgment These will love us to death
You have the opportunity to help someone Unconditional love Complete acceptance Aren’t we all seeking the same
Be the change Empower Inspire Accept without limitations
• Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
• Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
• Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
• List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.
1.If you were an animal(real or mythical) which would you be? Logically, not what you’d want to be.
I would be an eagle, protected, free roam and can shit on bad people lol
3. Which fictional world, book or otherwise would you like to live in?
I would not just go ahead and slip right on in 50 shades of gray, like it was my damn job 😜
4. If you could meet your favourite fictional character, but only as their villain, who would that be?
Cat woman, because Meeeoooow, here kitty kitty
5. If you could build a theme park of any theme which would it be?
It would be themed after National Lampoon’s movies, those folks went through it all and still came out smiling
6. What’s the furthest you’ve ever travelled? In Kilometres (or Miles, if you’re into that).
Grand Cayman islands, I have no idea about the mileage
7. Do you have any animal or plant friends?
I love all the animals, more than most people, but currently have a Red Doberman, Sasha and a German shepherd/pit mix Abby.
8. What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever worked?
Hmm weirdest, top eliminators VIP host for races. I say that because I had no idea who the celebrities where or the NFL football players were and some of folks were a little full of themselves but that just made me act more clueless lol
9. Do you have an obsession others find strange?
Omg I probably have several, I’m fascinated with sunrise, sunset, the moon and stars and take a million pictures daily of each. I never miss a sunset.
10. The ultimate 90s question. Oasis or Blur?
Cute little kittens
Little boy with a balloon
A couple strolling
Walking hand in hand
Ice cream and lollipops
Eaten while sitting in the sand
Sounds of laughter
Smell of fresh cut Christmas trees
The beauty of nature
The simple things
This is what happiness looks like to me