Pouring it out
Like gasoline
Onto embers
Discarded reflections
Tossed over
Sorting it all out
Striking the match
Igniting pain
Pieces engulfed
Burning it down
Shattered
Completely hollow
Lost or profound
Crackling grief
The sound of healing
Stoking memories
Smoke billows peace
Breathing relief
Slate wiped clean
Ashes floating
Carrying secrets hidden deep
Therapeutic release
I am incredibly honored to have 3 pieces selected for inclusion in the anthology, Screaming from the Silence
@vociferouspress @nightandsparrow
Stanzas from the Silence – poetry
Stories from the Silence – prose
Sketches from the Silence – visual art
I held it in
It was hard but I managed
Inside I was breaking
But I smiled
Just a little boy heading off on an adventure
You will always be that little boy to me
As the flight attendant took your hand
I gripped tight to my emotions
A mother’s love
Ensuring you didn’t see
No tears would fall
Heading towards the plane
Your back to me
I stood waiting
All my effort focused on holding back the emotions
Just before you were out of sight
You turned back to me
Those eyes
Fear and uncertainty
Again I smiled
That reassuring glow
Just enough
You smiled back
A little wave
To say, I’m ok Mom
Then you were gone
A sigh release
For I could no longer control the emotions bubbling up inside me
With tears streaming down my face
Unable to compose myself
I walked away
Through the airport
Where we had both arrived
I now walked alone
And I cried
I don’t remember the drive home
I do remember feeling so alone
The house was silent
I waited for your call
The phone finally rang
It was you
You made it there safely
The next 2 weeks
Seemed like an eternity
But before I knew it
I was back at the airport
Impatiently waiting
I caught a glimpse
My little boy
Running full speed
Tears again in my eyes
You missed me too
Big hugs
Lots of smiles
My sweet boy
Momma loves you
And is so happy for you to be back home with her tonight.
Ever changing story
Hidden amongst deceit
Shaded memories
Meticulously painted
Carefully swaying perceptions of who she use to be
Self serving quality
Imprinted deep
Blue, purple & green
Scars left unseen
Reminding me
There use to be truth
Distorted so prettily
Did you know
You are never alone
Despite the days, weeks, months or years that pass
In my heart, my thoughts and my prayers
I am here
Did you know
Not time, nor distance, or the words unspoken
Could ever take away the bond we share
That kind of unconditional love doesn’t get broken
I am here
Did you know
The pain, the heartache, and sense of never belonging
Forever stealing the joy of most days
We are both broken just in different ways
I am here
Did you know
That hopeless feeling, the endless running and the demons that encase us
All just a quiet moment away
I know who you are because I am the same
I am here
Did you know
The childhood memories I hold near
They all include you
You were the light on some of my darkest days
You are my Bubba
And I am still here
xoxo
❤me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
#CreativeTalentsUnleashed
I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.
I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.
I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.
I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.
Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.
Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.
The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.
I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.
If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.
But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.
You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.
I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.
Where was my protector & biggest fan.
The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.
I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.
Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.
No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.
The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity
§
xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
Tuesday Writing Prompt Challenge “My Mother Said”
She said a million things
A few still resonate with me
Visions of love, compassion and grace
Reflecting through the smile on her face
She didn’t have to love me
She didn’t have to raise me
She didn’t have to pick me
But she did
Adoption is everything to me
It is how I am still able to chase my dreams
A woman of such incredible beauty
Her kindness shines through the memories
While she is gone, she is still here
Dementia has stolen her memory
But occasionally she comes back to me
The last time she did
My mother told me how much she has missed me, how proud she is of me and how much she loves me
Those are the moments I cherish
For one day soon
It will be all that I will have to hold on to.
xoxo
♥️me
thebrokeninsideofme.com
Pain of yesterday
A curse
A blessing
I find strength in its vulnerability
Weakness in honesty
The darkness a welcoming relief
How do you let go of a love you have never known
The capacity of trust
Never enough
Flawlessly indisposed
Just let it go
Your silence attacking me
Heartbreaking
Struggling to breathe
Unable to comprehend
Acceptance, a foreign word
Unconditional love, something I’ve never known
Mind full of disbelief
Concealed are the pieces
Continuing to feed
Distant memories
Quiet desperation
Life of tragedies
I’m summed up to be
Never wanting that label
Can’t run from your destiny
Alone with my thoughts
I’ll always be that person
I collect the pieces
The broken inside
It’s all of me
xoxo
♥️me
9/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
Just as she stepped into the light
Regret consumed her
Not regret of the words
Regret for the attention
She felt the power of her story
However the attention scared her
She wanted to move forward
But from the shadows
Alas her name would change
The facts did not
Her feelings
Her experiences
Her wants
Her fantasies
They were her words
Just hidden behind an alias
Surely they would see the truth in the words
The depth in her eyes
The passion in her smirk
The joy in her smile
Longing to be heard
To find her place
She stepped further
Into the words
And delighted in their embrace
xoxo
♥️me
8/18/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
While you are judging
Others are suffering
Silence is a killer
Implanting fear
We all just want to be accepted
Be kind
If negativity leads your words
Don’t speak
Just listen
Sometimes that’s all that is needed
It could save a life
Something so simple
Hearing the words that we are scared to say
Tremendous impact
Fear
Shame
Self doubt
Judgment
These will love us to death
You have the opportunity to help someone
Unconditional love
Complete acceptance
Aren’t we all seeking the same
Be the change
Empower
Inspire
Accept without limitations
xoxo
♥️me
8/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
