Ever changing story Hidden amongst deceit Shaded memories Meticulously painted Carefully swaying perceptions of who she use to be Self serving quality Imprinted deep Blue, purple & green Scars left unseen Reminding me There use to be truth Distorted so prettily
I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.
I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.
I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me. I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.
I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.
Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me. Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.
Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.
The physical scars have distorted my body. But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.
I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.
If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me. She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.
But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.
You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.
I was only 7 when she abandoned me. A mother’s love,that I did not see.
Where was my protector & biggest fan.
The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can. Horribly failed me in the short time we had together. I only wished that she could have loved me better. What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction. Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.
I continue today living through all the repercussions. What a tragedy at how my life started off to be. All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.
Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.
No justice was served or consequence for them to bare Although apart they live worry free No second thought of the damage caused to me It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.
The truth never hurts Their lies disgusting Unable to rewrite history Validation arrives on shattered dreams My truth, written for all eternity
She said a million things A few still resonate with me Visions of love, compassion and grace Reflecting through the smile on her face She didn’t have to love me She didn’t have to raise me She didn’t have to pick me But she did Adoption is everything to me It is how I am still able to chase my dreams
A woman of such incredible beauty Her kindness shines through the memories While she is gone, she is still here Dementia has stolen her memory But occasionally she comes back to me The last time she did My mother told me how much she has missed me, how proud she is of me and how much she loves me Those are the moments I cherish For one day soon It will be all that I will have to hold on to.
Pain of yesterday A curse A blessing I find strength in its vulnerability Weakness in honesty The darkness a welcoming relief
How do you let go of a love you have never known The capacity of trust Never enough Flawlessly indisposed Just let it go Your silence attacking me Heartbreaking Struggling to breathe
Unable to comprehend Acceptance, a foreign word Unconditional love, something I’ve never known
Mind full of disbelief
Concealed are the pieces Continuing to feed Distant memories Quiet desperation Life of tragedies I’m summed up to be Never wanting that label Can’t run from your destiny Alone with my thoughts I’ll always be that person I collect the pieces The broken inside It’s all of me
Just as she stepped into the light Regret consumed her Not regret of the words Regret for the attention She felt the power of her story However the attention scared her She wanted to move forward But from the shadows Alas her name would change The facts did not Her feelings Her experiences Her wants Her fantasies They were her words Just hidden behind an alias Surely they would see the truth in the words The depth in her eyes The passion in her smirk The joy in her smile Longing to be heard To find her place She stepped further Into the words And delighted in their embrace
While you are judging Others are suffering Silence is a killer Implanting fear
We all just want to be accepted Be kind If negativity leads your words Don’t speak Just listen Sometimes that’s all that is needed It could save a life Something so simple Hearing the words that we are scared to say Tremendous impact
Fear Shame Self doubt Judgment These will love us to death
You have the opportunity to help someone Unconditional love Complete acceptance Aren’t we all seeking the same
Be the change Empower Inspire Accept without limitations