Twas the night before Christmas out in the country Everyone was sleeping Snoring can be heard all through the house My gun close by if I were to see a mouse
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care I hope this yummy chocolate candy wasn’t meant to go in there
Out in the hall I made a big clatter Gathering all the necessities for a little late night platter
It was a long drive here And a few cappuccinos has me wired up so sleep is not near
Visions of family time, gifts and snacks While trying to remain focused while driving Singing and dodging all the deer
Now that I think about it I could really go for a beer So out on the porch I sit listening to the sounds Staring at the stars Freezing my ass off even with all my layered winter gear
Pretty sure I hear a pig, or a coyote, maybe a deer But it’s totally normal in these types of towns
I wonder if there are any bears Gasp, OMG the chupacabra could also live here Well frick I hope not If I’m not seen in the morning I probably wandered off in search of the perfect lighting to capture photos of creatures near
The thing about the silence Any and all noise definitely travels around I’m almost certain the rustle of my late night snacks have already awakened The 5 people that live in this town
🖤 You did You always have Countless moments New mom and dad An eternity not sufficient enough To realize the greatness you posses A measurement doesn’t exist to capture all that you give Unconditional love A selfless gift Adoption What it means From an adoptee
And there it was Spoken outloud The words cutting deep We knew it was lingering Something about the finality Realization Sadness Anger Overwhelming thoughts Impending disaster Decisions Splitting assets Selling everything Mutually agreed There is no coming back No redo Options exhausted It’s real It’s happening Divorce Ending of our dreams Saying goodbye to you and me
Our journey may be different Our needs evolve over time Our wants fluctuate Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters
Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat
When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface This isn’t the way your life has to go
Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever
The water, like our emotions, can be misleading Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea Alternatively The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach
Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance It’s your journey It’s your life, in your hands Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in
The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense
The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within
So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand You only need to take that chance grab it
We each need assistance at some point
For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions
Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.
I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.
I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.
I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me. I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.
I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.
Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me. Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.
Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.
The physical scars have distorted my body. But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.
I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.
If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me. She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.
But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.
You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.
I was only 7 when she abandoned me. A mother’s love,that I did not see.
Where was my protector & biggest fan.
The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can. Horribly failed me in the short time we had together. I only wished that she could have loved me better. What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction. Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.
I continue today living through all the repercussions. What a tragedy at how my life started off to be. All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.
Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.
No justice was served or consequence for them to bare Although apart they live worry free No second thought of the damage caused to me It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.
The truth never hurts Their lies disgusting Unable to rewrite history Validation arrives on shattered dreams My truth, written for all eternity
She said a million things A few still resonate with me Visions of love, compassion and grace Reflecting through the smile on her face She didn’t have to love me She didn’t have to raise me She didn’t have to pick me But she did Adoption is everything to me It is how I am still able to chase my dreams
A woman of such incredible beauty Her kindness shines through the memories While she is gone, she is still here Dementia has stolen her memory But occasionally she comes back to me The last time she did My mother told me how much she has missed me, how proud she is of me and how much she loves me Those are the moments I cherish For one day soon It will be all that I will have to hold on to.