Brothers

Did you know
You are never alone
Despite the days, weeks, months or years that pass
In my heart, my thoughts and my prayers
I am here

Did you know
Not time, nor distance, or the words unspoken
Could ever take away the bond we share
That kind of unconditional love doesn’t get broken
I am here

Did you know
The pain, the heartache, and sense of never belonging
Forever stealing the joy of most days
We are both broken just in different ways
I am here

Did you know
That hopeless feeling, the endless running and the demons that encase us
All just a quiet moment away
I know who you are because I am the same
I am here

Did you know
The childhood memories I hold near
They all include you
You were the light on some of my darkest days
You are my Bubba
And I am still here

xoxo
❤me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

#CreativeTalentsUnleashed

#siblingstory

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Replay

Hours come and go

Days blur into nights

The silence is torture

Lost in my mind

Fading in and out

Your memory

Stealing my present

I gave you everything

You stole pieces of me

Never to regain

Here comes the sun

Longing for better days

Covered in harsh rays

Closing my eyes

I still see your face

Smile on your lips

The way you taste

Pressed into time

Unable to turn the page

Casting shadows

Spilled across my story

Love still replays

xoxo

me

9/27/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

via Daily Writing Prompt: Here Comes the Sun – Nicole Dennis-Benn

My Mother Said

Tuesday Writing Prompt Challenge “My Mother Said”

She said a million things
A few still resonate with me
Visions of love, compassion and grace
Reflecting through the smile on her face
She didn’t have to love me
She didn’t have to raise me
She didn’t have to pick me
But she did
Adoption is everything to me
It is how I am still able to chase my dreams

A woman of such incredible beauty
Her kindness shines through the memories
While she is gone, she is still here
Dementia has stolen her memory
But occasionally she comes back to me
The last time she did
My mother told me how much she has missed me, how proud she is of me and how much she loves me
Those are the moments I cherish
For one day soon
It will be all that I will have to hold on to.

xoxo
♥️me
thebrokeninsideofme.com

Anxiety

As I lay here
On steady ground
I feel it beginning
There is no escaping

I turn to my stomach
As if to hold on tighter
And brace harder for the impact
Every muscle in my body tensing
My heart pounding against the ground
The silence is deafening
As the sunshine takes my sight

I keep pushing
Its not helping
I can feel it coming
I close my eyes

Still edging closer
As the thoughts race to the surface
Vivid scenes quickly flash through my mind

I can’t stop it
Not this time
Extremely uncomfortable
Both body & mind
It has a way of resurfacing at the wrong time
As if it can sense my vulnerability


I should know this
As soon as I stop running
It arrives
Running from the horror
Desperately seeking me Chasing me
Just waiting
In my tortured little mind

xoxo
♥️me
7/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Illusion of Destiny


 

In love with the words
Imagined reality
An illusion
Poetic mysteries
Illustrated dreams
Crafted beautifully
Between him and me

xoxo
♥️me
9/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Remembering

A day of heartbreak
Fueled by memories
Horror unfolding
Reflecting on what was
Before disruption of peace
Somber moments
New realities
Life lost
Senseless tragedy
I honor them all
My thoughts with their families
Today they cry alone
As their loved ones never came home.

xoxo
♥️me
9/11/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Solace and Sanity

 
Your hand released
Everything changed
Family extracted
Like I never existed

Lost

Little girl
Tear filled eyes
Stains down on her cheeks
Scars across her tiny body

Prisoner

Love, a foreign dream
Comfort, no such thing
Tragedy, encompassed grief

Suffering

Those dark brown eyes
Concealing what they have seen
Visual antipathy

Broken

Little smile
Pasted on perfectly
Something she learned
Authentic joy a mystery

Alone

Separated siblings
Mix and Match despite their feelings
Disposed of completely

Abandoned

Another child
Made to pay the price
Adult responsibilities
Addiction's insanity

Violence

Seven years old
Lifetime of misery
Wise beyond belief
Desperately pursuing stability

Acceptance

Running to escape memories
Desperate for harmony
Just a little safety and peace

Solace

Wonderment in simple things
Never taking each breath for granted
Every day a new opportunity

Admiring

Thoughts infiltrating
Positive healing
Complete tranquility

Sunrise

Lost in the majestic beauty
Embraced by strength
Smile on her face
Kissed by the sunlight
Absolute comfort

Serenity

xoxo
♥️me
9/7/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com



Thebrokeninsideofme.com Photo Credit, Jason Legge

My Roots

Layers
Self protection
Numerous
Her core never seen
Slowly blooming
Realization
Soul bare
Vulnerable
Apprehensive to be seen
Strength brought to light
A survivor
Fear and honesty
Co-mingling
Glorious determination
Gaining momentum
With the drop of every leaf
Falling apart
Roots run deep
My pieces
Finding strength

xoxo
♥️me
9/3/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Remembering

Stolen moments
Created dreams
Secret kisses
Remnants of you on my lips
Taste of lust
Aromatic memories
Wrapped around you
Cool night breeze
Fingers remembering
Your skin
Midnight meeting
You taking all of me
The cravings
Your needs
Loves window
Reflecting need
Remembering
Our fantasy

xoxo
♥️me
9/1/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com


Remembering

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