Etched in Eternity

When our lips did meet

Warm
Inviting
Divine
Parted slightly

Texture
Smooth
Glistening
Rugged serenity

Taste
Intoxicating
Subtle
Bittersweet
Burning Intensity

Your lips
Last dying kiss
Beautifully haunting
Devastatingly incomplete

A Remembrance
The Finality
Etched in eternity

xoxo
♥️me
10/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

History of We


It was me

I fucked it up so badly

All these broken pieces

Sharp edges continue to cut

Shredding love

Distorting compassion

Releasing anger

Casting shadows of doubt

I hate myself for it all

 

You loved unconditionally

Attempting to bandage internal wounds

I pushed you away

My demons wouldn’t let you get too close

Forever damaged

I can’t be saved despite your efforts

Sabotaged eternally

 

I am truly sorry

You deserve so much more than I could ever be

Never having to pay the price for the disaster that I turned out to be

 

While you were attempting to save me

I drowned us both in the pain

Holding my love hostage for fears sake

 

I don’t know how to do this without you

 

I cherish the moments 

The laughter

Spontaneous adventures

Your embrace

Quiet nights on the couch with you

We shared so much

Holding my hand when I was too weak to face it alone

The feel of your touch

I will miss you

Please don’t erase me and our memories


 

Saying Goodbye

And there it was
Spoken outloud
The words cutting deep
We knew it was lingering
Something about the finality
Realization
Sadness
Anger
Overwhelming thoughts
Impending disaster
Decisions
Splitting assets
Selling everything
Mutually agreed
There is no coming back
No redo
Options exhausted
It’s real
It’s happening
Divorce
Ending of our dreams
Saying goodbye to you and me

xoxo
♥️me
10/02/2019

What If

What if I told you


This ache
Deep in my soul
Words can’t convey

Tears in my eyes
Longing for your touch
Needing you so much
To share this night

If only

Just a moment

I would give my last breath

To view love reflecting in your eyes
To melt into your caress
Feeling the passion in your embrace
I would sacrifice everything
To stand before you
To see the smile on your face

My love

Soothe my pain
Quench this heartache
You are a part of me
Needing you so deeply

Tangled emotions
Want shadowed by need
Explained by greed
Raw beauty

Calling to me



xoxo
♥️me
9/29/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

My Mother Said

Tuesday Writing Prompt Challenge “My Mother Said”

She said a million things
A few still resonate with me
Visions of love, compassion and grace
Reflecting through the smile on her face
She didn’t have to love me
She didn’t have to raise me
She didn’t have to pick me
But she did
Adoption is everything to me
It is how I am still able to chase my dreams

A woman of such incredible beauty
Her kindness shines through the memories
While she is gone, she is still here
Dementia has stolen her memory
But occasionally she comes back to me
The last time she did
My mother told me how much she has missed me, how proud she is of me and how much she loves me
Those are the moments I cherish
For one day soon
It will be all that I will have to hold on to.

xoxo
♥️me
thebrokeninsideofme.com

Dissolution of Me

Pain of yesterday
A curse
A blessing
I find strength in its vulnerability
Weakness in honesty
The darkness a welcoming relief

How do you let go of a love you have never known
The capacity of trust
Never enough
Flawlessly indisposed
Just let it go
Your silence attacking me
Heartbreaking
Struggling to breathe

Unable to comprehend
Acceptance, a foreign word
Unconditional love, something I’ve never known

Mind full of disbelief

Concealed are the pieces
Continuing to feed
Distant memories
Quiet desperation
Life of tragedies
I’m summed up to be
Never wanting that label
Can’t run from your destiny
Alone with my thoughts
I’ll always be that person
I collect the pieces
The broken inside
It’s all of me

xoxo
♥️me
9/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

I Choose Me

 

You promised me so many things

Tired of forcing this

Constantly struggling

You made me believe

I should have known

I was never enough

I will never live up to your expectations of who I should be

If you could look back

Reflect on the silence

All the times I was at my weakest

I took a chance

I finally spoke

And you used it against me

No longer the person I use to be

Once Strong, now weak

I am nothing and everything to you

All I ever wanted was to just be me

Tired of drowning in this misery

Pretending we are happy

It’s time

I choose me

xoxo

♥me

9/14/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Remembering

A day of heartbreak
Fueled by memories
Horror unfolding
Reflecting on what was
Before disruption of peace
Somber moments
New realities
Life lost
Senseless tragedy
I honor them all
My thoughts with their families
Today they cry alone
As their loved ones never came home.

xoxo
♥️me
9/11/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com