Category: #CPTSD

I Survive

Throughout my life

I fall

I rise

I live

I learn

I survive

Against life’s tapestry

Taking forward strides

In my darkest moments

I stop

I retreat

I isolate

I cry

I still survive

Detours, destinations, love, loss and lies

Along this unforgiving path

Alone or with allies

I keep trying

My journey started with trauma

I have looked evil in the eyes

I have overcome those that tried to take my life

I have been abandoned

Completely cast aside by those that gave me life

I have prepared to die numerous times

I have been cut apart

I have been embedded with foreign parts

Broken, stitched together and cauterized

I did survive

But along the way

I have experienced many wonderful times

I have seen a child brought into this world

I have held the hand of someone leaving this life

I have felt a love that never dies

I have seen the world through someone else’s eyes

I have laid under a million stars across the night sky

I have been lost and found

I have found my voice

I have realized my strength

I have learned forgiveness

I have seen many beautiful scenes

I have survived

Across this fragile thing called life

I stand

I live

I fight

These scars represent the battles I’ve won

The pain serves as my battle cry

A warrior

I ALWAYS SURVIVE

 

What do you see
What Do You See
31

Burning Grief


Pouring it out
Like gasoline
Onto embers

Discarded reflections
Tossed over
Sorting it all out

Striking the match
Igniting pain
Pieces engulfed
Burning it down

Shattered
Completely hollow
Lost or profound

Crackling grief

The sound of healing
Stoking memories
Smoke billows peace
Breathing relief

Slate wiped clean
Ashes floating
Carrying secrets hidden deep
Therapeutic release

Burn
8

Anthology

I am incredibly honored to have 3 pieces selected for inclusion in the anthology, Screaming from the Silence

@vociferouspress @nightandsparrow

Screaming from the Silence consists of three sections:

Stanzas from the Silence – poetry

Stories from the Silence – prose

Sketches from the Silence – visual art

Coming January 2020

28

Moonlight

Quietly watching
Anticipating
I wander
Lost in thought
Desperately hoping
For the peace
That eludes me each night
Continually seeking
For something
I have yet to find
In the antelucan hour
Between the darkness and light
I find beauty
Struggling
An internal battle
Acceptance
Forgiveness
Yesterhurt reminders
Stealing my time
Shadowing light
I continue
Fighting
The war inside

2

Therapeutic Artistry

Forged artistry 
 Blazing creativity
 Hammering relief
 Sculpting beauty
 Pressed intensely
 Distorted memories
 Exposed melancholy
 Bending purposely
 Spilling emotions
 In each piece
 
  A
    R
      T
 
 Infused with
 
  G
    R
      I
       E
         F
 
 Creative therapy
0

Hope

img_20191101_170324190853116412561254.jpg

 

Melancholy breeze
Barefoot on the beach
Tear kissed cheeks
Ocean serenading
Sunshine shadowing doubt
Cast out to sea
Drifting tides of memories
Her life was worthy
But she couldn’t see
Washed away
A forgotten journey
Seeking peace

@800273TALK

 

12

Alone

Which version do you prefer me to be?

The me that doesn’t always suit you quite so perfectly

The me that fits your perception of who I should be

The me who never has moments of weakness that brings me to my knees

It is difficult trying to be who everyone wants me to be

One day I’m going to only have myself to please

I reach out for your hand, repeatedly waiting just for someone to understand

Love me

Hate me

There is no in between

I understand though because I feel the same things

I’ve spent my whole life just trying to breathe

Still to this day I run, I hide, driving around aimlessly in an attempt to ignore the brokenness that is inside

The only thing I really need is someone to listen and comfort the pieces that are me

I know they say love comes with a cost

Maybe I’m just tired of feeling so damn lost

Not feeling accepted has taken a toll on me

Devastation added on top of the underlying pain

Nothing I can do but sit holding no one accountable

What else would you expect me to do

I turn it all inside

Carrying all the burdens

Hiding all the shame

Running from the memories

At the end of the day I have no one to blame

It’s ok though because I know that pain

I feel invisible

Nothing to lose

Oh wait, that’s right

That’s when I get told I don’t have a clue

I wonder if I’ve ever really showed anyone who I really am

My broken pieces run far too deep

Inside my demons constantly keeping me from sleep

Continually re-victimized by the very same voices that keep feeding me lies

Just when I feel I can’t hold on one more day, it occurs to me that no one is coming to save me and it doesn’t even matter if I were to walk away

All the labels and judgment

Fill my ears

But again no one knows the shell of a woman standing in front of them

Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too picky

Too upset

Too cautious

Too angry

Too hurt

Too organized

Too right

Too wrong

Too isolated

Too weak

Too strong

Too emotional

Too tired

Too sexy

Too much

Too difficult

Too quiet

Too old

Too kind

Too loud

Too thoughtful

Too busy

Too hyper

Too complicated

Too Broken

Surrounded by all the voices

Seeming so intrigued

Fascinated by my words and wisdom

They like me

They love me

Oops once again I’ve been misled

They were only passing the time

And never again thought of me

Have you ever truly felt this alone?

SmartSelect_20191019-171132_Chrome

27

My Soul to Keep

My Soul To Keep – Taylor Grace

  Friends of Brave and Reckless, Writing Prompt Challenge 2 comments

https://braveandrecklessblog.com/2019/10/13/my-soul-to-keep-taylor-grace/ 

In the shadows
Forgotten peace
Silence, the thief
My soul to keep
Buried shame
Selfish needs
Lost time
Safety
Comfort
What I seek

Some days a domestic goddess, and other days a lost woman that still hasn’t bothered to brush her hair. My journey is full of life’s whimsical tales, love, laughter, heartache, trauma, passion, fantasy and everything in between.   My writing is raw, sometimes too raw but I write it anyways, it’s my truth, my voice and I will share it. I’ve been described as honest, even complicated and have a whole lot of sassy undertones, so things get interesting,  even comical at times.  You can read more of my writing at The Broken Inside Me 

3

Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea
1

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§


xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

34

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