Acceptance

Divine beauty
Softly shattered
Vicious reality
Longing & desire
Darkness & hate
Stunning reflection
Assumptions misplaced
Perfectly discarded
Judgmental society
Fueled by jealousy & rage
She hides in the shadows
Desperately hoping
Acceptance takes its place

Adoptee

🖤
You did
You always have
Countless moments
New mom and dad
An eternity not sufficient enough
To realize the greatness you posses
A measurement doesn’t exist to capture all that you give
Unconditional love
A selfless gift
Adoption
What it means
From an adoptee

Alone

Which version do you prefer me to be?

The me that doesn’t always suit you quite so perfectly

The me that fits your perception of who I should be

The me who never has moments of weakness that brings me to my knees

It is difficult trying to be who everyone wants me to be

One day I’m going to only have myself to please

I reach out for your hand, repeatedly waiting just for someone to understand

Love me

Hate me

There is no in between

I understand though because I feel the same things

I’ve spent my whole life just trying to breathe

Still to this day I run, I hide, driving around aimlessly in an attempt ignore the brokenness that is inside

The only thing I really need is someone to listen and comfort the pieces that are me

I know they say love comes with a cost Maybe I’m just tired of feeling so damn lost

Not feeling accepted has taken a toll on me

Devastation added on top of the underlying pain

Nothing I can do but sit holding no one accountable

What else would you expect me to do

I turn it all inside

Carrying all the burdens

Hiding all the shame

Running from the memories

At the end of the day I have no one to blame

It’s ok though because I know that pain

I feel invisible

Nothing to lose

Oh wait, that’s right

That’s when I get told I don’t have a clue

I wonder if I’ve ever really showed anyone who I really am

My broken pieces run far to deep

Inside my demons constantly keeping me from sleep

Continually re-victimized by the very same voices that keep feeding me lies

Just when I feel I can’t hold on one more day, it occurs to me that no one is coming to save me and it doesn’t even matter if I were to walk away

All the labels and judgment

Fill my ears

But again no one knows the shell of a woman standing in front of them

Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too picky

Too upset

Too cautious

Too angry

Too hurt

Too organized

Too right

Too wrong

Too isolated

Too weak

Too strong

Too emotional

Too tired

Too sexy

Too much

Too difficult

Too quiet

Too old

Too kind

Too loud

Too thoughtful

Too busy

Too hyper

Too complicated

Too Broken

Surrounded by all the voices

Seeming so intrigued

Fascinated by my words & wisdom

They like me

They love me

Oops once again I’ve been misled

They were only passing the time

And never again thought of me

Have you ever truly felt this alone?


SmartSelect_20191019-171132_Chrome

Tuesday Sharing

There are so many of you that make me feel your words so deeply, that I look forward to reading your new writings when you post them.


You challenge my thoughts, inspire my soul, provoke deep emotions, provide comfort, make me smile, and often remind me that whatever I am facing, I am not alone. I truly appreciate your words, your soul baring, raw truths and the way it impacts me and so many others.

Embracing your unapologetic authenticity can be daunting and sharing it to the world, a true strength, I admire. I offer my gratitude to each of you.


https://hisnamewaszach.wordpress.com/

http://thelightison.blog

https://afadedromantic.wordpress.com/

https://afragilemind.home.blog/2019/10/22/done-in/

https://sirhanz.home.blog/2019/10/22/in-between/

https://shortprose.blog/2019/10/22/children-of-the-first-amen-autumn-poem-poetry/

https://freeverserevolution.wordpress.com/2019/10/22/hope-in-dreams-mark-tulin/

https://whisperandtheroar.com/2019/09/24/the-circle-of-life-christine-bolton/

https://millenniallifecrisis.org/2019/10/06/stay-humble-and-hustle-hard/

http://lookinginyourwindow.com

http://iwriteher.com

https://eatdelight3.com/2019/10/17/the-opposite/

http://drbogdan.home.blog

https://michael2malachi.wordpress.com/2019/10/21/words-2/

https://renardsworld.wordpress.com/2019/10/05/how-to-be-a-wise-blogger/

https://theblightersrock.wordpress.com/2019/10/22/opus-2/


https://joysblessingspoetry.com/2019/10/21/tendrils-of-light/

xoxo

❤me

One More Memory


As the day fades
Blue sky reflects hues of the bay
White clouds passing by
Graying shades
Under approaching stormy night

Birds flying in synchrony
Lizards chasing bugs up the tree
Bright orange butterflies are a beautiful sight
A white dove perched up high coos to me

Memories in the making

As I look to the ever changing sky
I long for your presence by my side
One last hug
You holding me tight

My wish

Just one more moment
You, enjoying this with me


xoxo

♥️me

10/17/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

History of We


It was me

I fucked it up so badly

All these broken pieces

Sharp edges continue to cut

Shredding love

Distorting compassion

Releasing anger

Casting shadows of doubt

I hate myself for it all

 

You loved unconditionally

Attempting to bandage internal wounds

I pushed you away

My demons wouldn’t let you get too close

Forever damaged

I can’t be saved despite your efforts

Sabotaged eternally

 

I am truly sorry

You deserve so much more than I could ever be

Never having to pay the price for the disaster that I turned out to be

 

While you were attempting to save me

I drowned us both in the pain

Holding my love hostage for fears sake

 

I don’t know how to do this without you

 

I cherish the moments 

The laughter

Spontaneous adventures

Your embrace

Quiet nights on the couch with you

We shared so much

Holding my hand when I was too weak to face it alone

The feel of your touch

I will miss you

Please don’t erase me and our memories


 

Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea

Brothers

Did you know
You are never alone
Despite the days, weeks, months or years that pass
In my heart, my thoughts and my prayers
I am here

Did you know
Not time, nor distance, or the words unspoken
Could ever take away the bond we share
That kind of unconditional love doesn’t get broken
I am here

Did you know
The pain, the heartache, and sense of never belonging
Forever stealing the joy of most days
We are both broken just in different ways
I am here

Did you know
That hopeless feeling, the endless running and the demons that encase us
All just a quiet moment away
I know who you are because I am the same
I am here

Did you know
The childhood memories I hold near
They all include you
You were the light on some of my darkest days
You are my Bubba
And I am still here

xoxo
❤me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

#CreativeTalentsUnleashed

#siblingstory

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

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