One More Memory


As the day fades
Blue sky reflects hues of the bay
White clouds passing by
Graying shades
Under approaching stormy night

Birds flying in synchrony
Lizards chasing bugs up the tree
Bright orange butterflies are a beautiful sight
A white dove perched up high coos to me

Memories in the making

As I look to the ever changing sky
I long for your presence by my side
One last hug
You holding me tight

My wish

Just one more moment
You, enjoying this with me


xoxo

♥️me

10/17/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

History of We


It was me

I fucked it up so badly

All these broken pieces

Sharp edges continue to cut

Shredding love

Distorting compassion

Releasing anger

Casting shadows of doubt

I hate myself for it all

 

You loved unconditionally

Attempting to bandage internal wounds

I pushed you away

My demons wouldn’t let you get too close

Forever damaged

I can’t be saved despite your efforts

Sabotaged eternally

 

I am truly sorry

You deserve so much more than I could ever be

Never having to pay the price for the disaster that I turned out to be

 

While you were attempting to save me

I drowned us both in the pain

Holding my love hostage for fears sake

 

I don’t know how to do this without you

 

I cherish the moments 

The laughter

Spontaneous adventures

Your embrace

Quiet nights on the couch with you

We shared so much

Holding my hand when I was too weak to face it alone

The feel of your touch

I will miss you

Please don’t erase me and our memories


 

Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea

Brothers

Did you know
You are never alone
Despite the days, weeks, months or years that pass
In my heart, my thoughts and my prayers
I am here

Did you know
Not time, nor distance, or the words unspoken
Could ever take away the bond we share
That kind of unconditional love doesn’t get broken
I am here

Did you know
The pain, the heartache, and sense of never belonging
Forever stealing the joy of most days
We are both broken just in different ways
I am here

Did you know
That hopeless feeling, the endless running and the demons that encase us
All just a quiet moment away
I know who you are because I am the same
I am here

Did you know
The childhood memories I hold near
They all include you
You were the light on some of my darkest days
You are my Bubba
And I am still here

xoxo
❤me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

#CreativeTalentsUnleashed

#siblingstory

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Dissolution of Me

Pain of yesterday
A curse
A blessing
I find strength in its vulnerability
Weakness in honesty
The darkness a welcoming relief

How do you let go of a love you have never known
The capacity of trust
Never enough
Flawlessly indisposed
Just let it go
Your silence attacking me
Heartbreaking
Struggling to breathe

Unable to comprehend
Acceptance, a foreign word
Unconditional love, something I’ve never known

Mind full of disbelief

Concealed are the pieces
Continuing to feed
Distant memories
Quiet desperation
Life of tragedies
I’m summed up to be
Never wanting that label
Can’t run from your destiny
Alone with my thoughts
I’ll always be that person
I collect the pieces
The broken inside
It’s all of me

xoxo
♥️me
9/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Remembering

A day of heartbreak
Fueled by memories
Horror unfolding
Reflecting on what was
Before disruption of peace
Somber moments
New realities
Life lost
Senseless tragedy
I honor them all
My thoughts with their families
Today they cry alone
As their loved ones never came home.

xoxo
♥️me
9/11/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Solace and Sanity

 
Your hand released
Everything changed
Family extracted
Like I never existed

Lost

Little girl
Tear filled eyes
Stains down on her cheeks
Scars across her tiny body

Prisoner

Love, a foreign dream
Comfort, no such thing
Tragedy, encompassed grief

Suffering

Those dark brown eyes
Concealing what they have seen
Visual antipathy

Broken

Little smile
Pasted on perfectly
Something she learned
Authentic joy a mystery

Alone

Separated siblings
Mix and Match despite their feelings
Disposed of completely

Abandoned

Another child
Made to pay the price
Adult responsibilities
Addiction's insanity

Violence

Seven years old
Lifetime of misery
Wise beyond belief
Desperately pursuing stability

Acceptance

Running to escape memories
Desperate for harmony
Just a little safety and peace

Solace

Wonderment in simple things
Never taking each breath for granted
Every day a new opportunity

Admiring

Thoughts infiltrating
Positive healing
Complete tranquility

Sunrise

Lost in the majestic beauty
Embraced by strength
Smile on her face
Kissed by the sunlight
Absolute comfort

Serenity

xoxo
♥️me
9/7/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com



Thebrokeninsideofme.com Photo Credit, Jason Legge

In The Silence

Drifting assiduity
Groggy reflections
Purposeful stillness
Silencing

Meticulously surrendering

Mindfulness
Such rawness in the void
Profound lucidity

Reminding me

Truth
Love
Purpose
The answers
Complete serenity

All Reside within me

Symbolization attained amidst faded dreams


xoxo
me
9/8/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com