I Survive

Throughout my life

I fall

I rise

I live

I learn

I survive

Against life’s tapestry

Taking forward strides

In my darkest moments

I stop

I retreat

I isolate

I cry

I still survive

Detours, destinations, love, loss and lies

Along this unforgiving path

Alone or with allies

I keep trying

My journey started with trauma

I have looked evil in the eyes

I have overcome those that tried to take my life

I have been abandoned

Completely cast aside by those that gave me life

I have prepared to die numerous times

I have been cut apart

I have been embedded with foreign parts

Broken, stitched together and cauterized

I did survive

But along the way

I have experienced many wonderful times

I have seen a child brought into this world

I have held the hand of someone leaving this life

I have felt a love that never dies

I have seen the world through someone else’s eyes

I have laid under a million stars across the night sky

I have been lost and found

I have found my voice

I have realized my strength

I have learned forgiveness

I have seen many beautiful scenes

I have survived

Across this fragile thing called life

I stand

I live

I fight

These scars represent the battles I’ve won

The pain serves as my battle cry

A warrior

I ALWAYS SURVIVE

 

What do you see
What Do You See

Burning Grief


Pouring it out
Like gasoline
Onto embers

Discarded reflections
Tossed over
Sorting it all out

Striking the match
Igniting pain
Pieces engulfed
Burning it down

Shattered
Completely hollow
Lost or profound

Crackling grief

The sound of healing
Stoking memories
Smoke billows peace
Breathing relief

Slate wiped clean
Ashes floating
Carrying secrets hidden deep
Therapeutic release

Farewell

How is it possible
Intensely deep
Heartbreaking
Beautifully devastating

But why

You were never even mine
I fell in love with the words
Imagined reality

An illusion
Illustrated by you
Embodied by me

Our story isn’t over
To be continued
In another time

Farewell for now

Future dreams
For I know
Someday
You
Will
Be
Mine

Secrets

Lined by books
Row after row
Roaming aimlessly
Until she found an erotic novel
The pages saturated by explicit fantasies
Captured by the words
Her arousal growing
Sex pulsing
Under her skirt
Fingers delving
Satisfying release
Her naughty secret
On the floor
At the library

Moonlight

Quietly watching
Anticipating
I wander
Lost in thought
Desperately hoping
For the peace
That eludes me each night
Continually seeking
For something
I have yet to find
In the antelucan hour
Between the darkness and light
I find beauty
Struggling
An internal battle
Acceptance
Forgiveness
Yesterhurt reminders
Stealing my time
Shadowing light
I continue
Fighting
The war inside


Alone

Which version do you prefer me to be?

The me that doesn’t always suit you quite so perfectly

The me that fits your perception of who I should be

The me who never has moments of weakness that brings me to my knees

It is difficult trying to be who everyone wants me to be

One day I’m going to only have myself to please

I reach out for your hand, repeatedly waiting just for someone to understand

Love me

Hate me

There is no in between

I understand though because I feel the same things

I’ve spent my whole life just trying to breathe

Still to this day I run, I hide, driving around aimlessly in an attempt to ignore the brokenness that is inside

The only thing I really need is someone to listen and comfort the pieces that are me

I know they say love comes with a cost

Maybe I’m just tired of feeling so damn lost

Not feeling accepted has taken a toll on me

Devastation added on top of the underlying pain

Nothing I can do but sit holding no one accountable

What else would you expect me to do

I turn it all inside

Carrying all the burdens

Hiding all the shame

Running from the memories

At the end of the day I have no one to blame

It’s ok though because I know that pain

I feel invisible

Nothing to lose

Oh wait, that’s right

That’s when I get told I don’t have a clue

I wonder if I’ve ever really showed anyone who I really am

My broken pieces run far too deep

Inside my demons constantly keeping me from sleep

Continually re-victimized by the very same voices that keep feeding me lies

Just when I feel I can’t hold on one more day, it occurs to me that no one is coming to save me and it doesn’t even matter if I were to walk away

All the labels and judgment

Fill my ears

But again no one knows the shell of a woman standing in front of them

Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too picky

Too upset

Too cautious

Too angry

Too hurt

Too organized

Too right

Too wrong

Too isolated

Too weak

Too strong

Too emotional

Too tired

Too sexy

Too much

Too difficult

Too quiet

Too old

Too kind

Too loud

Too thoughtful

Too busy

Too hyper

Too complicated

Too Broken

Surrounded by all the voices

Seeming so intrigued

Fascinated by my words and wisdom

They like me

They love me

Oops once again I’ve been misled

They were only passing the time

And never again thought of me

Have you ever truly felt this alone?


SmartSelect_20191019-171132_Chrome

One More Memory


As the day fades
Blue sky reflects hues of the bay
White clouds passing by
Graying shades
Under approaching stormy night

Birds flying in synchrony
Lizards chasing bugs up the tree
Bright orange butterflies are a beautiful sight
A white dove perched up high coos to me

Memories in the making

As I look to the ever changing sky
I long for your presence by my side
One last hug
You holding me tight

My wish

Just one more moment
You, enjoying this with me


xoxo

♥️me

10/17/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Etched in Eternity

When our lips did meet

Warm
Inviting
Divine
Parted slightly

Texture
Smooth
Glistening
Rugged serenity

Taste
Intoxicating
Subtle
Bittersweet
Burning Intensity

Your lips
Last dying kiss
Beautifully haunting
Devastatingly incomplete

A Remembrance
The Finality
Etched in eternity

xoxo
♥️me
10/15/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

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