Alone

Which version do you prefer me to be?

The me that doesn’t always suit you quite so perfectly

The me that fits your perception of who I should be

The me who never has moments of weakness that brings me to my knees

It is difficult trying to be who everyone wants me to be

One day I’m going to only have myself to please

I reach out for your hand, repeatedly waiting just for someone to understand

Love me

Hate me

There is no in between

I understand though because I feel the same things

I’ve spent my whole life just trying to breathe

Still to this day I run, I hide, driving around aimlessly in an attempt ignore the brokenness that is inside

The only thing I really need is someone to listen and comfort the pieces that are me

I know they say love comes with a cost Maybe I’m just tired of feeling so damn lost

Not feeling accepted has taken a toll on me

Devastation added on top of the underlying pain

Nothing I can do but sit holding no one accountable

What else would you expect me to do

I turn it all inside

Carrying all the burdens

Hiding all the shame

Running from the memories

At the end of the day I have no one to blame

It’s ok though because I know that pain

I feel invisible

Nothing to lose

Oh wait, that’s right

That’s when I get told I don’t have a clue

I wonder if I’ve ever really showed anyone who I really am

My broken pieces run far to deep

Inside my demons constantly keeping me from sleep

Continually re-victimized by the very same voices that keep feeding me lies

Just when I feel I can’t hold on one more day, it occurs to me that no one is coming to save me and it doesn’t even matter if I were to walk away

All the labels and judgment

Fill my ears

But again no one knows the shell of a woman standing in front of them

Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too picky

Too upset

Too cautious

Too angry

Too hurt

Too organized

Too right

Too wrong

Too isolated

Too weak

Too strong

Too emotional

Too tired

Too sexy

Too much

Too difficult

Too quiet

Too old

Too kind

Too loud

Too thoughtful

Too busy

Too hyper

Too complicated

Too Broken

Surrounded by all the voices

Seeming so intrigued

Fascinated by my words & wisdom

They like me

They love me

Oops once again I’ve been misled

They were only passing the time

And never again thought of me

Have you ever truly felt this alone?


SmartSelect_20191019-171132_Chrome

Art

Her Canvas
Crisp
White
Paper
Void of any Markings

Her Artistry
Words
Painted into Poetry

Her Instrument
Fine
Tipped
Pen
Jet Black Ink

Her Purpose
Dig
Down
Deep
Share and Release

The Affect
Reflection
Clarity
Healing
Finding Her Voice

History of We


It was me

I fucked it up so badly

All these broken pieces

Sharp edges continue to cut

Shredding love

Distorting compassion

Releasing anger

Casting shadows of doubt

I hate myself for it all

 

You loved unconditionally

Attempting to bandage internal wounds

I pushed you away

My demons wouldn’t let you get too close

Forever damaged

I can’t be saved despite your efforts

Sabotaged eternally

 

I am truly sorry

You deserve so much more than I could ever be

Never having to pay the price for the disaster that I turned out to be

 

While you were attempting to save me

I drowned us both in the pain

Holding my love hostage for fears sake

 

I don’t know how to do this without you

 

I cherish the moments 

The laughter

Spontaneous adventures

Your embrace

Quiet nights on the couch with you

We shared so much

Holding my hand when I was too weak to face it alone

The feel of your touch

I will miss you

Please don’t erase me and our memories


 

Waves of Need

Our journey may be different
Our needs evolve over time
Our wants fluctuate
Sometimes leaving behind troubled waters

Like the flow of the ocean, hard and consuming, it can leave us submerged
During the emotional storms we often struggle just to remain afloat

When the waters are calm and serene we sink blindly into the unknown dangers below the surface
This isn’t the way your life has to go

Our deep buried emotions can attempt to drown us temporarily or teach us to swim forever

The water, like our emotions, can be misleading
Our view can be distorted depending on where we currently stand
The terror is frightening if your desperately treading water in the sea
Alternatively
The warm, sweet, & blissful release of comfort and security is only realized once you make it to the beach


Realization crashing against the sand of our circumstance
It’s your journey
It’s your life, in your hands
Sometimes we need to reach out and that is where strength comes in

The weight of the ocean will only leave you treading water
That’s not a place you can sustain, only staying afloat until the weight of the pain is too intense

The ocean’s current below you working to pull you in, like the negativity you have deep within

So many are standing just on the sand, waiting, offering and willing to give you a hand
You only need to take that chance grab it

We each need assistance at some point


For someone to encourage, validate and tell us we can, we are and save us from drowning in the flood of emotions

Strength comes when you don’t have many other options, so let is save you
from life’s waves of high tides and sinking further in the lows.

xoxo
♥️me
7/14/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Serenaded by the sea

Brothers

Did you know
You are never alone
Despite the days, weeks, months or years that pass
In my heart, my thoughts and my prayers
I am here

Did you know
Not time, nor distance, or the words unspoken
Could ever take away the bond we share
That kind of unconditional love doesn’t get broken
I am here

Did you know
The pain, the heartache, and sense of never belonging
Forever stealing the joy of most days
We are both broken just in different ways
I am here

Did you know
That hopeless feeling, the endless running and the demons that encase us
All just a quiet moment away
I know who you are because I am the same
I am here

Did you know
The childhood memories I hold near
They all include you
You were the light on some of my darkest days
You are my Bubba
And I am still here

xoxo
❤me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

#CreativeTalentsUnleashed

#siblingstory

Anxiety

As I lay here
On steady ground
I feel it beginning
There is no escaping

I turn to my stomach
As if to hold on tighter
And brace harder for the impact
Every muscle in my body tensing
My heart pounding against the ground
The silence is deafening
As the sunshine takes my sight

I keep pushing
Its not helping
I can feel it coming
I close my eyes

Still edging closer
As the thoughts race to the surface
Vivid scenes quickly flash through my mind

I can’t stop it
Not this time
Extremely uncomfortable
Both body & mind
It has a way of resurfacing at the wrong time
As if it can sense my vulnerability


I should know this
As soon as I stop running
It arrives
Running from the horror
Desperately seeking me Chasing me
Just waiting
In my tortured little mind

xoxo
♥️me
7/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Dissolution of Me

Pain of yesterday
A curse
A blessing
I find strength in its vulnerability
Weakness in honesty
The darkness a welcoming relief

How do you let go of a love you have never known
The capacity of trust
Never enough
Flawlessly indisposed
Just let it go
Your silence attacking me
Heartbreaking
Struggling to breathe

Unable to comprehend
Acceptance, a foreign word
Unconditional love, something I’ve never known

Mind full of disbelief

Concealed are the pieces
Continuing to feed
Distant memories
Quiet desperation
Life of tragedies
I’m summed up to be
Never wanting that label
Can’t run from your destiny
Alone with my thoughts
I’ll always be that person
I collect the pieces
The broken inside
It’s all of me

xoxo
♥️me
9/5/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Remembering

A day of heartbreak
Fueled by memories
Horror unfolding
Reflecting on what was
Before disruption of peace
Somber moments
New realities
Life lost
Senseless tragedy
I honor them all
My thoughts with their families
Today they cry alone
As their loved ones never came home.

xoxo
♥️me
9/11/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: