Alone

Which version do you prefer me to be?

The me that doesn’t always suit you quite so perfectly

The me that fits your perception of who I should be

The me who never has moments of weakness that brings me to my knees

It is difficult trying to be who everyone wants me to be

One day I’m going to only have myself to please

I reach out for your hand, repeatedly waiting just for someone to understand

Love me

Hate me

There is no in between

I understand though because I feel the same things

I’ve spent my whole life just trying to breathe

Still to this day I run, I hide, driving around aimlessly in an attempt ignore the brokenness that is inside

The only thing I really need is someone to listen and comfort the pieces that are me

I know they say love comes with a cost Maybe I’m just tired of feeling so damn lost

Not feeling accepted has taken a toll on me

Devastation added on top of the underlying pain

Nothing I can do but sit holding no one accountable

What else would you expect me to do

I turn it all inside

Carrying all the burdens

Hiding all the shame

Running from the memories

At the end of the day I have no one to blame

It’s ok though because I know that pain

I feel invisible

Nothing to lose

Oh wait, that’s right

That’s when I get told I don’t have a clue

I wonder if I’ve ever really showed anyone who I really am

My broken pieces run far to deep

Inside my demons constantly keeping me from sleep

Continually re-victimized by the very same voices that keep feeding me lies

Just when I feel I can’t hold on one more day, it occurs to me that no one is coming to save me and it doesn’t even matter if I were to walk away

All the labels and judgment

Fill my ears

But again no one knows the shell of a woman standing in front of them

Too sensitive

Too bossy

Too picky

Too upset

Too cautious

Too angry

Too hurt

Too organized

Too right

Too wrong

Too isolated

Too weak

Too strong

Too emotional

Too tired

Too sexy

Too much

Too difficult

Too quiet

Too old

Too kind

Too loud

Too thoughtful

Too busy

Too hyper

Too complicated

Too Broken

Surrounded by all the voices

Seeming so intrigued

Fascinated by my words & wisdom

They like me

They love me

Oops once again I’ve been misled

They were only passing the time

And never again thought of me

Have you ever truly felt this alone?


SmartSelect_20191019-171132_Chrome

Tuesday Sharing

There are so many of you that make me feel your words so deeply, that I look forward to reading your new writings when you post them.


You challenge my thoughts, inspire my soul, provoke deep emotions, provide comfort, make me smile, and often remind me that whatever I am facing, I am not alone. I truly appreciate your words, your soul baring, raw truths and the way it impacts me and so many others.

Embracing your unapologetic authenticity can be daunting and sharing it to the world, a true strength, I admire. I offer my gratitude to each of you.


https://hisnamewaszach.wordpress.com/

http://thelightison.blog

https://afadedromantic.wordpress.com/

https://afragilemind.home.blog/2019/10/22/done-in/

https://sirhanz.home.blog/2019/10/22/in-between/

https://shortprose.blog/2019/10/22/children-of-the-first-amen-autumn-poem-poetry/

https://freeverserevolution.wordpress.com/2019/10/22/hope-in-dreams-mark-tulin/

https://whisperandtheroar.com/2019/09/24/the-circle-of-life-christine-bolton/

https://millenniallifecrisis.org/2019/10/06/stay-humble-and-hustle-hard/

http://lookinginyourwindow.com

http://iwriteher.com

https://eatdelight3.com/2019/10/17/the-opposite/

http://drbogdan.home.blog

https://michael2malachi.wordpress.com/2019/10/21/words-2/

https://renardsworld.wordpress.com/2019/10/05/how-to-be-a-wise-blogger/

https://theblightersrock.wordpress.com/2019/10/22/opus-2/


https://joysblessingspoetry.com/2019/10/21/tendrils-of-light/

xoxo

❤me

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Ignited Fantasy

This feeling is uncomfortable
Yet intriguing at the same time
Everything inside me is screaming
Touch me
Walk away
Hold me
No run
Take me
Leave me
Want me for the beautiful disaster that I am

I’m torn between the depths of this exploration
More at peace living just on the surface
Fascination compels me to let go and move forward
I’m just not sure I can
My heart racing
I don’t understand
Am I overthinking it
How would I walk away
This could be my chance
What am I doing
Carelessly falling
Or
Sucking on the barrel of a loaded gun

I am more accustomed to feeling comfortably numb
This is not who I’ve ever been
How did I get here
Am I really that dumb
I’m just being reckless
Maybe even stupid
I can’t or maybe I don’t want to understand
Never have I surrendered
Too strong
Too loyal
Too stubborn
Too broken
No one would ever love who I really am
A beautiful angel
A devil within
I’ve be hiding so long
But he makes me feel weak
No one has ever cared
I just needed to be who they thought I am
It’s all exhausting

My emotions are going crazy
Why now
I don’t do emotional
Fuck how is this happening
Why not yesterday
I can’t understand
Maybe I’ve said too much
Perhaps I haven’t said enough
Second guessing every word
Why did I open up
Why did I let him in
Will he use it all against me
Or will he be the one that finally understands

Be patient but please see
I’ve never let anyone this close
And the thought of it being gone in an instant is more than I could stand

What is it
Why this man
Why do I crave him so deeply
Drifting between fantasy & reality
His lips on mine
His hands around my waist
He picks me up


There is nothing between us
Not even the sunlight could penetrate through the lack of space
Against the wall
Nothing could break us apart
He thrust himself inside me
All that can be heard is the moaning
Our sweat has intertwined
Covering us
It’s dripping and slowly tracing my body
The raw passion completely consuming us
His smell makes me want more


I taste him
This is heaven
A secret known only to us
Days turn to night and we are still completely entangled in one another
He devours me completely
Never getting enough
This is the way I want forever to end

※※※※


xoxo
♥ Me
3/26/2018
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Dominate Pleasures II

 

A Collaboration 
Featuring
Sir Hanz, Sirhanz.home.blog
&
Taylor Grace, Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Missed  Dominate Pleasures I, Click here 


~ Sir Hanz ~

The door was heavy, 

 Dark wood carved with sayers and maidens

 Pagan sex and ravens

 It creaked an ominous groan as I opened the way

 Would she run or would she stay

 Boots echoed on the wooden floor

 As I past the portal of dark folklore

 I never looked back

 Gazing ahead at whips on the rack

 A smile crept upon my face

 This place was mine.. every inch my space

 I heard her heels click upon the planks

 And silently gave thanks

 Now was the test

 When she beheld what was in store

 Would she run

 Or hunger for more

 The Andrew’s cross and suspension rings

 Belts and crops, such wonderful things

 Rope in soft cotton and roughened jute

 To bind her like a woman of ill repute

 Cuffs and clamps hang on the wall

 A padded bench to hold my doll

 Now was the time.. I had to turn and see

 Finding her eyes.. she was looking at me

 

 In the dim light I took her hand

 I could tell she was waiting for my command

 You are a beauty in leather and lace

 And i can see the need upon your face

 Now you have seen what I may employ

 To bring you rapture, pain and joy

 Now is the time for you to choose

 Will you walk out the door or be mine to use

 I stroked her cheek with gentle caress

 “Now choose, Leave or Undress”

∼•∼


~ Taylor Grace ~

 

Once again, I blindly follow him

Anxious energy tingling every part of me

Statuesque beauty seeking naughty pleasures

My mind filled

Thoughts peak

Heighten sensations rush, in the air around me

Eyes wide

I step inside

Heart is racing

Full of fear and lust

I will let him take me

Aroused

Ready for him to use me

I want this so deeply

Shit!

He speaks

His voice breaking the silence, startles me

Sir I want to continue”

Clothes Off”, he sternly commands

I comply and await further instruction

∼•∼


His dominance intriguing and seductive to her. Now that she has chosen to stay, What has Sir prepared?

More will be revealed next week

 

Dominate Pleasures

A Collaboration 
Featuring
Sir Hanz, Sirhanz.home.blog
&
Taylor Grace, Thebrokeninsideofme.com
 


~ Sir Hanz ~


I wonder if she is nervous
I ponder
Watching her wait
filling my vision
with her beauty
Heart quakes
No one would know
by the look upon my face
that my soul hungered

Step,
    Step, 
        Step

Standing close
Feeling her heat
through thin fabric
Whispered word, breath upon her skin
I am here
Your mine
and it is time to go


~ Taylor Grace ~

Visualizing his ruff hands tracing my body
Imagining the texture of leather and lace
Sensual tease

Drawing it out purposely
Anticipation heightening every sound
Tortured fantasy
Sadistic frenzy

My body trembles with lust and nervous energy
Attempting to remain posed while seated on my knees
Hands folded on my lap
Eyes perfectly focused on the space in front of me
Complete surrender
Submission, a new word for me
Taking a step closer
His aroma fills my air
Intensely calm
He speaks
Blindly i follow


Will she fully commit to this new sexual lifestyle, his dominance or has she bit off more than she can handle?  Will Sir remain precise in his techniques or falter under the weight of her beauty and charisma?

More will be revealed next week

Silence

As I sit here alone, the upstairs window slightly opened, as the rain has temporarily subsided and the silence that I often seek and find comfort in, is almost unbearable as the horror of the last 30 hours consumes me. There are no calls, no texts, no helicopters circling around, no sounds of rushing water below me echoing with the most terrifying sound, no visuals before me of the frightened parents faces and neighbors sitting out of their second story windows because they don’t want to drown, there are no white bed sheets hanging to mark their presence or towels whipping back & fourth in shear desperation on the front porches around me so that they too would soon be found. The saddness, the fear, the heartbreak, the worry, and the blank stares of facing this disaster was undoubtly showing, and is a memory that I will forever carry around. An experience I never wanted but for whatever reason Hurricane Harvey has continued to disrupt, and dance around Texas, just look for the path of greatest destruction and that’s were I’ll be found.

A parade of makeshift rafts, canoes, even whole beds adorned with blow up floats, pool noodles or whatever they had laying around, something…..anything in their quiet desperation that would aid them in getting out safely to help ensure they would be floating and eventually found.

The news is no longer on blaring and enhanced with continual tornado warnings to take cover but instead now I only hear the sound of frogs loudly calling, maybe they too have been forced from their safe place or sanctuary and are looking for their families who are no where to be found.

Maybe these thoughts, questions and surreal memories are too fresh for me to process, since it’s far from being over, as I am still seeking higher ground.

xoxo

♥️me

8/28/2017

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Because of You

Since you didn’t ask, I’ll share anyways

It’s a beautiful Friday morning and I appreciate every single one of you. The connections, the conversations, the likes, your words, your writing, your personalities, your perspective, your photos, I love and appreciate it all!

This is truly a place I feel my most vulnerable and celebrated at the same time. I am so grateful ♥️ it’s because of you, your struggle, your truths, your stories, your jokes, your encouraging words and everything Inbetween!

I’m here, I see it, I feel it, I appreciate it and I offer my deepest gratitude ♥️

Word can not convey the emotions felt daily as I read your words and communicate with you.

You inspire me daily
You provoke thought
You provide answers
You validate my truth
You accept me as I am
An amazing community

I just thought you should know, I see and I am eternally grateful ♥️

xoxo
♥️me
8/30/2019

Awakening

A spiritual awakening
Clarity arrives in waves
Transcendence
My mind
My body
Realization
Inner peace
Living
Breathing
Connected
My heart
The sea
Answers wake
Questions dive deep
Mental calmness
The ocean and me


xoxo
♥️me
8/23/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com


https://amanpan.com/2019/08/19/brewnspew-cafe-august-19-2019/

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