What If

What if I told you


This ache
Deep in my soul
Words can’t convey

Tears in my eyes
Longing for your touch
Needing you so much
To share this night

If only

Just a moment

I would give my last breath

To view love reflecting in your eyes
To melt into your caress
Feeling the passion in your embrace
I would sacrifice everything
To stand before you
To see the smile on your face

My love

Soothe my pain
Quench this heartache
You are a part of me
Needing you so deeply

Tangled emotions
Want shadowed by need
Explained by greed
Raw beauty

Calling to me



xoxo
♥️me
9/29/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Ignited Fantasy

This feeling is uncomfortable
Yet intriguing at the same time
Everything inside me is screaming
Touch me
Walk away
Hold me
No run
Take me
Leave me
Want me for the beautiful disaster that I am

I’m torn between the depths of this exploration
More at peace living just on the surface
Fascination compels me to let go and move forward
I’m just not sure I can
My heart racing
I don’t understand
Am I overthinking it
How would I walk away
This could be my chance
What am I doing
Carelessly falling
Or
Sucking on the barrel of a loaded gun

I am more accustomed to feeling comfortably numb
This is not who I’ve ever been
How did I get here
Am I really that dumb
I’m just being reckless
Maybe even stupid
I can’t or maybe I don’t want to understand
Never have I surrendered
Too strong
Too loyal
Too stubborn
Too broken
No one would ever love who I really am
A beautiful angel
A devil within
I’ve be hiding so long
But he makes me feel weak
No one has ever cared
I just needed to be who they thought I am
It’s all exhausting

My emotions are going crazy
Why now
I don’t do emotional
Fuck how is this happening
Why not yesterday
I can’t understand
Maybe I’ve said too much
Perhaps I haven’t said enough
Second guessing every word
Why did I open up
Why did I let him in
Will he use it all against me
Or will he be the one that finally understands

Be patient but please see
I’ve never let anyone this close
And the thought of it being gone in an instant is more than I could stand

What is it
Why this man
Why do I crave him so deeply
Drifting between fantasy & reality
His lips on mine
His hands around my waist
He picks me up


There is nothing between us
Not even the sunlight could penetrate through the lack of space
Against the wall
Nothing could break us apart
He thrust himself inside me
All that can be heard is the moaning
Our sweat has intertwined
Covering us
It’s dripping and slowly tracing my body
The raw passion completely consuming us
His smell makes me want more


I taste him
This is heaven
A secret known only to us
Days turn to night and we are still completely entangled in one another
He devours me completely
Never getting enough
This is the way I want forever to end

※※※※


xoxo
♥ Me
3/26/2018
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Dominate Pleasures II

 

A Collaboration 
Featuring
Sir Hanz, Sirhanz.home.blog
&
Taylor Grace, Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Missed  Dominate Pleasures I, Click here 


~ Sir Hanz ~

The door was heavy, 

 Dark wood carved with sayers and maidens

 Pagan sex and ravens

 It creaked an ominous groan as I opened the way

 Would she run or would she stay

 Boots echoed on the wooden floor

 As I past the portal of dark folklore

 I never looked back

 Gazing ahead at whips on the rack

 A smile crept upon my face

 This place was mine.. every inch my space

 I heard her heels click upon the planks

 And silently gave thanks

 Now was the test

 When she beheld what was in store

 Would she run

 Or hunger for more

 The Andrew’s cross and suspension rings

 Belts and crops, such wonderful things

 Rope in soft cotton and roughened jute

 To bind her like a woman of ill repute

 Cuffs and clamps hang on the wall

 A padded bench to hold my doll

 Now was the time.. I had to turn and see

 Finding her eyes.. she was looking at me

 

 In the dim light I took her hand

 I could tell she was waiting for my command

 You are a beauty in leather and lace

 And i can see the need upon your face

 Now you have seen what I may employ

 To bring you rapture, pain and joy

 Now is the time for you to choose

 Will you walk out the door or be mine to use

 I stroked her cheek with gentle caress

 “Now choose, Leave or Undress”

∼•∼


~ Taylor Grace ~

 

Once again, I blindly follow him

Anxious energy tingling every part of me

Statuesque beauty seeking naughty pleasures

My mind filled

Thoughts peak

Heighten sensations rush, in the air around me

Eyes wide

I step inside

Heart is racing

Full of fear and lust

I will let him take me

Aroused

Ready for him to use me

I want this so deeply

Shit!

He speaks

His voice breaking the silence, startles me

Sir I want to continue”

Clothes Off”, he sternly commands

I comply and await further instruction

∼•∼


His dominance intriguing and seductive to her. Now that she has chosen to stay, What has Sir prepared?

More will be revealed next week

 

Love, Passison and Lust

Heart skips a beat

𝓗𝓲𝓼 𝓔𝔂𝓮𝓼

Melting me


Butterflies felt intensely
Face warm
Cheeks blushing
Words escape me

My name, from his lips
Instant rush
Exhilarating

Completely falling
More than a crush
Combined love, passion and lust

To feel the magnitude of his love

𝓐𝓫𝓼𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓡𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮

xoxo
♥️me
9/13/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Dominate Pleasures

A Collaboration 
Featuring
Sir Hanz, Sirhanz.home.blog
&
Taylor Grace, Thebrokeninsideofme.com
 


~ Sir Hanz ~


I wonder if she is nervous
I ponder
Watching her wait
filling my vision
with her beauty
Heart quakes
No one would know
by the look upon my face
that my soul hungered

Step,
    Step, 
        Step

Standing close
Feeling her heat
through thin fabric
Whispered word, breath upon her skin
I am here
Your mine
and it is time to go


~ Taylor Grace ~

Visualizing his ruff hands tracing my body
Imagining the texture of leather and lace
Sensual tease

Drawing it out purposely
Anticipation heightening every sound
Tortured fantasy
Sadistic frenzy

My body trembles with lust and nervous energy
Attempting to remain posed while seated on my knees
Hands folded on my lap
Eyes perfectly focused on the space in front of me
Complete surrender
Submission, a new word for me
Taking a step closer
His aroma fills my air
Intensely calm
He speaks
Blindly i follow


Will she fully commit to this new sexual lifestyle, his dominance or has she bit off more than she can handle?  Will Sir remain precise in his techniques or falter under the weight of her beauty and charisma?

More will be revealed next week

Remembering

A day of heartbreak
Fueled by memories
Horror unfolding
Reflecting on what was
Before disruption of peace
Somber moments
New realities
Life lost
Senseless tragedy
I honor them all
My thoughts with their families
Today they cry alone
As their loved ones never came home.

xoxo
♥️me
9/11/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Solace and Sanity

 
Your hand released
Everything changed
Family extracted
Like I never existed

Lost

Little girl
Tear filled eyes
Stains down on her cheeks
Scars across her tiny body

Prisoner

Love, a foreign dream
Comfort, no such thing
Tragedy, encompassed grief

Suffering

Those dark brown eyes
Concealing what they have seen
Visual antipathy

Broken

Little smile
Pasted on perfectly
Something she learned
Authentic joy a mystery

Alone

Separated siblings
Mix and Match despite their feelings
Disposed of completely

Abandoned

Another child
Made to pay the price
Adult responsibilities
Addiction's insanity

Violence

Seven years old
Lifetime of misery
Wise beyond belief
Desperately pursuing stability

Acceptance

Running to escape memories
Desperate for harmony
Just a little safety and peace

Solace

Wonderment in simple things
Never taking each breath for granted
Every day a new opportunity

Admiring

Thoughts infiltrating
Positive healing
Complete tranquility

Sunrise

Lost in the majestic beauty
Embraced by strength
Smile on her face
Kissed by the sunlight
Absolute comfort

Serenity

xoxo
♥️me
9/7/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com



Thebrokeninsideofme.com Photo Credit, Jason Legge

Finality

I feel it all
Empathy betrays me
Ambience heavy
Shadows of grief
Death’s gift

Heartbreaking silence
Gone are the tomorrows
All that remains are memories

Tears are the words
My heart can’t speak

Rest in peace Uncle Leo

xoxo
♥️me
9/3/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

My Roots

Layers
Self protection
Numerous
Her core never seen
Slowly blooming
Realization
Soul bare
Vulnerable
Apprehensive to be seen
Strength brought to light
A survivor
Fear and honesty
Co-mingling
Glorious determination
Gaining momentum
With the drop of every leaf
Falling apart
Roots run deep
My pieces
Finding strength

xoxo
♥️me
9/3/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com