A spiritual awakening
Clarity arrives in waves
Transcendence
My mind
My body
Realization
Inner peace
Living
Breathing
Connected
My heart
The sea
Answers wake
Questions dive deep
Mental calmness
The ocean and me


xoxo
♥️me
8/23/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com


https://amanpan.com/2019/08/19/brewnspew-cafe-august-19-2019/

Kiss on fire
Heat set free
Sparks entertain
Urge in flames
Your kiss
My lips
Passion’s intensity
From smoldering to a blaze
Embers wanting more
Ignited
Your kiss
My lips
Your body pressed against mine
Tongues entangled
Seductive bites
Your kiss
My lips
Torching desire
Perfection
Lighting need
Glowing
Fiery
Ravenous
Your kiss
My lips

xoxo
♥️me
8/22/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Even in the moments she feels less than beautiful
He still sees a reflection of the woman he married
When life gets in the way
He sees her exhausted love and is grateful for the sacrifices made
The wife
The mother
The friend
The love
He still sees
He still is in awe of her beauty
He still appreciates every little thing
He still sees her vibrant personality
He still gets caught sneaking a peek

xoxo
♥️me
8/22/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com


#Reena’sExplorationchallenge 

Reena’s Exploration Challenge #101

Waves crash
Birds sing
Swirling emotions
Soul exposed
The water
Happiness reflected
Nature’s heat
Simple luxury
Calmed and composed
Beautiful and serine
Warm sand beneath my toes
Relaxed and carefree
In love with the ocean
Picture perfect
And the peace it brings

xoxo
♥️me
8/22/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

https://wp.me/p34GxQ-9ZQ

#WritingPrompt #WritersChallenge #InspirationCall #CreativeTalentsUnleashed

2017 has come to an end, I just want to take a moment to let you know, for me this is how it’s been.

A couple of resolutions that I finally made my priority, when I put my mind to something, then you know that it isn’t a maybe but a 100% guarantee. I have worked my ass off (quite literally) to be the best possible version of me I can be. I have won some, lost some but I continue to start each day with a fresh perspective, renewed purpose and try again. I’m still proud of the better me, that I strive each day to be.

My physical health was one of those top priorities and I’m happy to report that there’s a much healthier and smaller version of me going into 2018. It’s astonishing the difference a few pounds can have on so many things. I found an amazing gym family that always sets their focus on empowering women, positive vibes, inspiring, the beauty in each member and lots of dancing, laughing, booty werk and all the sillyness that fits me perfectly.

Unfortunately I did have a few health issues that required 3 emergency surgeries and I’m still recovering from the last one. I pray it gets better and don’t lose my sight permanently.

Another focus was to dig down deep in order to sit with my anger, pain, and finally talk about some of the broken pieces that have been hidden inside for an eternity. While that has taken a toll on some relationships, finally calling someone out on their bullshit was quite therapeutic for me.

I shouldn’t have been so surprised when you waited until no one was around in order to spew all that hatred and completely obliterate every part of me but at the end of the day, you will forever stay stuck with only the memories and the knowledge that you will never again hear from me. Continue to twist the words for sympathy, turn others againist me, but please remember I know who you really are since those evil pieces were inherited by me. The difference is I turn it inward instead of using it as arsenal againist those I call family. I’ll be the scapegoat of your pretend fairytale family since you’ve paid such close attention to convince others and have a real talent for re-writing the truth out of actual history. I’m the one covered in the physical and mental scars of your choices, your mistakes, your neglect so there is no lying to me.

My little Sky bear, a true gift from God, has absolutely grown into the most perfect guy and I cherish his love, laughter and all the sweetness he shows me. I am so proud of him in so many ways, his heart, his intelligence, his strength, his ambition, his complete acceptance and the many things he has taught me. I adore his morning hugs and cuddles and the fact that I get to be his Mom, his safe place and I love him 100% unconditionally.

I’ve experienced some amazing success, loss, heartbreak but still was able to find my inner peace. I have laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. I’ve cried so hard all I could do was fall to the floor and beg God for his loving mercy.

In some of my darkest hours I found myself completely alone, I know I’m a complex person but just needed the same love and support in return that I have always shown. I’ve given up control of a few things in order to better focus my energy on those most important to me. I have realized that there is a very small number of people in this entire world that I can depend on if I’m in an emergency, go to for advice, won’t judge or share my words and accepts my crazy, silly, loud, broken and all the sharp edges that makeup the pieces that are me.

Thanks to the devastation from hurricane Harvey, I’ve lived through some terrifying and stressful moments that still continue. When you see your whole life floating under water it is a new sadness that I didn’t want to know. Trying to rebuild this house isn’t an easy task and it still doesn’t have the same warm feeling as the place I use to call my home.

We are no closer to being finished as we were a month ago, in fact the only things accomplished so far are new walls, partial flooring, and some doors half done so a long road ahead until I can finally say we are done.

Water has always been my safe place, something that provided comfort but now the rain brings back those memories of quite desperation and the fear of the unknown.

The kindness of a few people, mostly complete strangers, fed my family, provided necessities, even helped with demo when there was no one else who was here to help my family. It was a surreal feeling not knowing how I would fed my family, we were stuck, no vehicles, no kitchen, no frig or freezer so only some pantry items that didn’t get ruined and I didn’t eat for days to ensure my guys had enough because that’s what was most important to me.

Thanksgiving day came & went, we had chips & dips and went driving around since I finally had a car again to get out of the house and see some preblack Friday deals. I truly felt like a failure as a mom since that is never the thanksgiving memory I wanted him to have but couldn’t prepare him a big feast and with no invites for dinner I did the best I could with what I had.

I hope and pray that 2018 is a more joyful year and that we are able to put all the missing & broken pieces together and re-direct our focus on the hopes, dreams and make many happy memories that will bring smiles to my little family because that is what I hold close to my heart and their happiness is most important to me.


xoxo
♥️Me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com
12/31/2017

Another house

A new family

Why me

New school

No one knows me

why me

A different room

New monsters

why me

All alone

This house isn’t home

why me

Picked up and removed

They have no clue

Why me

My brother is gone

Can’t even call on the phone

why me

A million tragedies

Locked inside of me

why me

Remember smile and be polite

Complete strangers judging

why me

Examined under the light

Imperfection in plain sight

why me

Confused, damaged and all alone

Scary visions feel more like home

why me

Different than them

Only demons live within

Why me

Surviving the darkness

Hungry and cold

Why me

Sleeping on a bed of stone

Down by the river as viciousness unfolds

Why me

xoxo

me

8/21/2019

Thebrokeninsideofme.com

In the shadows
Love hides
In the words
Yearning a new life
Behind the smiles
Anxiously awaits goodbye
Under the surface
Wanting to be at his side
Love story unfolding
Waiting for the next time
His lips meet mine

xoxo
♥️ me
8/19/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

Long Auburn hair
Gently tossled
From slumbers wake
Weaving between her hands
Golden braided strands
The calming way she soothes
Anxious feelings wash away
Tangled mess in braids

xoxo
♥️me
8/21/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

An accidental meeting, spurred by a bump in a crowded night club

She had seen him throughout the night

But he spotted her as soon as he walked in

In the crowded hustle and bustle of people laughing, drinking and dancing, she stood out to him
A beauty in a white tank and blue jeans
The smile that flashed across her face invited him in immediately

She was engrossed in her friends, cocktails and didn’t notice immediately
She was surrounded by guys and a couple of ladies
He thought to himself, she is taken but she wasn’t

Captivated by her
He made his way to the back bar for a beer
Settling on a seat close to the dance floor across from her
He had to see more of her
He didn’t know what it was but she struck him and he was drawn in completely
Everyone else faded in the distance
Attempting to remain cool and not creepy, he socialized but always kept an eye on her location
He couldn’t help it
Completely mesmerized by her presence and unapologetic personality

She noticed him at this point and was drawn to him as well
Being the fun loving silly girl she is, she grabbed her best friend and headed for the dance floor
The floor had ample room to dance as it was deserted at that point but she was bold and unafraid
She casually walked over near him, settling within arms reach of him
She laughed, and danced Knowing all the while, he was right there watching
She knew he was close enough to smell her sunny citrus and vanilla perfume
It was her signature scent
And left a lasting impression on those around her

Spinning around effortlessly at one point she intentionally landed facing him, her glaze searching for his eyes
She found them and he looked up at her and smiled
That moment the world stopped, the music faded, the people disappeared and for a few seconds, it was just her and him
Feeling the weight of the moment and the alcohol induced trance she became embarrassed and turned away

The song ended, she returned to her table and friends
Thinking to herself, hmmm he must not be interested or he is taken since he did not oblige her obvious interest
She was wrong

The drinks were flowing
Fun was being had
She was lost in her world
She glanced to were he had been sitting most of the night but he was no longer sitting, across from her
She sighed, and went on about her night

He was still just as intrigued and lost in her, however he had relocated to a different spot at the bar with some friends
He was laughing and carrying on with some friends when he felt a bump in his side
There was plenty of space around him so he spun around wondering what was going on

It was her
The one he had be captivated by since his arrival
No words were available to him
Like not a peep would leave his lips
She however had a few words for him, “How are you going to watch me all night and not have the balls to come ask me to dance?”

He was dumbfounded
Again his voice betrayed him. Nothing left his lips
And she was gone
Making her way to the door
In an instant he decided, this one will not slip away from me
He chased after her
Tapped her on the shoulder, “Ma’am may I have this dance?”
She laughed
Her friend said no we are leaving, very sternly
But she knew she had to dance with him, just once

He led her to the dance floor
They were immediately in their own world
Music played in the background, as they were lost in each others embrace
Stumbling over the electrical force connecting them
Almost magical
Laughing
Spinning
Flirting
Dancing
Their bodies
Their minds
Suddenly the song came to an end
They left the dance floor
His arm across her waist, guiding her and maybe the last embrace in his mind

They chatted briefly
Exchanging pleasantries and introductions
Her friend suddenly cast a damper on their moment, “It’s time to go”
She was intoxicated by the drinks and also by him
Goodbye, she said, with a little smile and wave

He turned to walk away but something struck him deeply inside, a voice of sorts, do not let her walk away without having a way to contact her

He once again hurriedly turned to catch up with her
He managed to reach her right before she walked out
“Let me get your phone number” he requested
She replied, “I don’t give out my number, sorry”
Here give me yours, so he got a napkin from the bar and a pen from the bartender and started writing down his number but it struck him, she will not call me, I can tell she is too intoxicated to even remember me

He firmly stated, “I need your phone number”
She was shocked at his intensity and kind of aroused by it, so she complied

A couple days later she received a call but didn’t answer
There was a voicemail, from a guy she didn’t remember
She immediately phoned her best friend, hoping to gain insight but with no luck she ignored the message and him

The next day she was alone, bored and the phone rang, without thinking she answered it immediately
It was him
They chatted for a while before hanging up
She made one request during that call, text me a picture please
He agreed
The picture popped up and her mind was still blank

They chatted again the next day for hours
Conversation just came easy for them
No empty lulls
No awkward silence
Just talking about life and learning about each others stories and experiences
This happened daily for a few weeks

They talked for hours
Laughing
Getting to know each other
Hearing the strength and struggles of each others lives
He repeatedly asked to see her, to take her out on a date and she denied him each time

This was all new to her, the dating scene and she was not one to trust anyone but he understood and continued their daily phone calls
Calls that drained fully charged batteries
Calls that spurred interest
Calls that created excitement
Calls that were dropped because battery died and hurried charges prompted a call back
Tethered phones plugged in so conversations wouldn’t end abruptly

Finally after a few weeks she decided she was ready to meet him in person
Since their first meeting was a blur, thanks to the lively spirits served to her at the bar
She got home from work and called him
Nervously she said, “Do you want to come over to my apartment tonight and play poker with me and some friends?”

She anxiously waited his reply
“Sure, I can make that happen” he stated, trying to play down his nervous excitement
So there it was
A first date

She was anxious but immediately focused on, what will I wear?!
The next couple of hours, she must have tried on 15 outfits searching for that perfect one, so much in fact she was exhausted and now sweaty
Makeup running, hair now piled up on her head, she collapsed on the bed

Time for a pep talk, ok you got this, you know him, he already saw you dishevelled at a bar, clearly you are in better place and he has proven that over and over with the long phone calls, little sleep and his acceptance to come over
“Okay, I am beautiful woman with great personality, he would be lucky to have me!” She said outloud to herself

So now empowered, she grabbed a little gray causal dress, touched up her makeup, took her hair down and cranked down the air conditioner
As she is finishing up, he calls to let her know he is almost there
Panic sets in
Oh my gosh
Eeeekkk
I’m not ready for this
Before she could internally freak out any further, he calls to ask which side of the apartment complex she is on

She walks out to her balcony, and sees him drive by slowly, her heart stops

Then accelerated so quickly, she thought she was surely about to pass out
But he parked and looked up at her and she again mustered up enough courage to walk back in from the balcony to her apartment and out the front door

She lived on 3rd floor so she had a moment to prepare herself
She could hear his boots coming up the stairs
Inching closer to her

And then, there he was
He walked up, said hi
She smiled
He went in to give her a big hug
And that’s when it happened

Without planning she leaned in and gave him a huge kiss
She pulled back to look at him

They were both in shock at what just happened
He stepped back away from her, as if to catch himself falling

She finally spoke, “I just wanted to get that out of the way so it wouldn’t be awkward later”
They both giggled
He was in shock still as she invited him in
The rest of the night was great
She just had to get that first kiss out of the way

xoxo
♥️me
8/20/2019
Thebrokeninsideofme.com


https://wp.me/p34GxQ-9YY

Inspiration Call: Write about a unique first kiss

#WritingPrompt #WritersChallenge #InspirationCall #CreativeTalentsUnleashed