A spiritual awakening
Clarity arrives in waves
Questions dive deep
The ocean and me
Surrounded Slowly drowning In a puddle of tears Heartbreak Pretending she’s not gone Today Tomorrow Without her smile Absent embrace He sits alone Seeing reflections Her love Her face Another time Another place Longing for one more opportunity Her lips Another taste
Kiss on fire Heat set free Sparks entertain Urge in flames Your kiss My lips Passion’s intensity From smoldering to a blaze Embers wanting more Ignited Your kiss My lips Your body pressed against mine Tongues entangled Seductive bites Your kiss My lips Torching desire Perfection Lighting need Glowing Fiery Ravenous Your kiss My lips
Even in the moments she feels less than beautiful He still sees a reflection of the woman he married When life gets in the way He sees her exhausted love and is grateful for the sacrifices made The wife The mother The friend The love He still sees He still is in awe of her beauty He still appreciates every little thing He still sees her vibrant personality He still gets caught sneaking a peek
Waves crash Birds sing Swirling emotions Soul exposed The water Happiness reflected Nature’s heat Simple luxury Calmed and composed Beautiful and serine Warm sand beneath my toes Relaxed and carefree In love with the ocean Picture perfect And the peace it brings
2017 has come to an end, I just want to take a moment to let you know, for me this is how it’s been.
A couple of resolutions that I finally made my priority, when I put my mind to something, then you know that it isn’t a maybe but a 100% guarantee. I have worked my ass off (quite literally) to be the best possible version of me I can be. I have won some, lost some but I continue to start each day with a fresh perspective, renewed purpose and try again. I’m still proud of the better me, that I strive each day to be.
My physical health was one of those top priorities and I’m happy to report that there’s a much healthier and smaller version of me going into 2018. It’s astonishing the difference a few pounds can have on so many things. I found an amazing gym family that always sets their focus on empowering women, positive vibes, inspiring, the beauty in each member and lots of dancing, laughing, booty werk and all the sillyness that fits me perfectly.
Unfortunately I did have a few health issues that required 3 emergency surgeries and I’m still recovering from the last one. I pray it gets better and don’t lose my sight permanently.
Another focus was to dig down deep in order to sit with my anger, pain, and finally talk about some of the broken pieces that have been hidden inside for an eternity. While that has taken a toll on some relationships, finally calling someone out on their bullshit was quite therapeutic for me.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised when you waited until no one was around in order to spew all that hatred and completely obliterate every part of me but at the end of the day, you will forever stay stuck with only the memories and the knowledge that you will never again hear from me. Continue to twist the words for sympathy, turn others againist me, but please remember I know who you really are since those evil pieces were inherited by me. The difference is I turn it inward instead of using it as arsenal againist those I call family. I’ll be the scapegoat of your pretend fairytale family since you’ve paid such close attention to convince others and have a real talent for re-writing the truth out of actual history. I’m the one covered in the physical and mental scars of your choices, your mistakes, your neglect so there is no lying to me.
My little Sky bear, a true gift from God, has absolutely grown into the most perfect guy and I cherish his love, laughter and all the sweetness he shows me. I am so proud of him in so many ways, his heart, his intelligence, his strength, his ambition, his complete acceptance and the many things he has taught me. I adore his morning hugs and cuddles and the fact that I get to be his Mom, his safe place and I love him 100% unconditionally.
I’ve experienced some amazing success, loss, heartbreak but still was able to find my inner peace. I have laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. I’ve cried so hard all I could do was fall to the floor and beg God for his loving mercy.
In some of my darkest hours I found myself completely alone, I know I’m a complex person but just needed the same love and support in return that I have always shown. I’ve given up control of a few things in order to better focus my energy on those most important to me. I have realized that there is a very small number of people in this entire world that I can depend on if I’m in an emergency, go to for advice, won’t judge or share my words and accepts my crazy, silly, loud, broken and all the sharp edges that makeup the pieces that are me.
Thanks to the devastation from hurricane Harvey, I’ve lived through some terrifying and stressful moments that still continue. When you see your whole life floating under water it is a new sadness that I didn’t want to know. Trying to rebuild this house isn’t an easy task and it still doesn’t have the same warm feeling as the place I use to call my home.
We are no closer to being finished as we were a month ago, in fact the only things accomplished so far are new walls, partial flooring, and some doors half done so a long road ahead until I can finally say we are done.
Water has always been my safe place, something that provided comfort but now the rain brings back those memories of quite desperation and the fear of the unknown.
The kindness of a few people, mostly complete strangers, fed my family, provided necessities, even helped with demo when there was no one else who was here to help my family. It was a surreal feeling not knowing how I would fed my family, we were stuck, no vehicles, no kitchen, no frig or freezer so only some pantry items that didn’t get ruined and I didn’t eat for days to ensure my guys had enough because that’s what was most important to me.
Thanksgiving day came & went, we had chips & dips and went driving around since I finally had a car again to get out of the house and see some preblack Friday deals. I truly felt like a failure as a mom since that is never the thanksgiving memory I wanted him to have but couldn’t prepare him a big feast and with no invites for dinner I did the best I could with what I had.
I hope and pray that 2018 is a more joyful year and that we are able to put all the missing & broken pieces together and re-direct our focus on the hopes, dreams and make many happy memories that will bring smiles to my little family because that is what I hold close to my heart and their happiness is most important to me.
In the shadows Love hides In the words Yearning a new life Behind the smiles Anxiously awaits goodbye Under the surface Wanting to be at his side Love story unfolding Waiting for the next time His lips meet mine
An accidental meeting, spurred by a bump in a crowded night club
She had seen him throughout the night
But he spotted her as soon as he walked in
In the crowded hustle and bustle of people laughing, drinking and dancing, she stood out to him A beauty in a white tank and blue jeans The smile that flashed across her face invited him in immediately
She was engrossed in her friends, cocktails and didn’t notice immediately She was surrounded by guys and a couple of ladies He thought to himself, she is taken but she wasn’t
Captivated by her He made his way to the back bar for a beer Settling on a seat close to the dance floor across from her He had to see more of her He didn’t know what it was but she struck him and he was drawn in completely Everyone else faded in the distance Attempting to remain cool and not creepy, he socialized but always kept an eye on her location He couldn’t help it Completely mesmerized by her presence and unapologetic personality
She noticed him at this point and was drawn to him as well Being the fun loving silly girl she is, she grabbed her best friend and headed for the dance floor The floor had ample room to dance as it was deserted at that point but she was bold and unafraid She casually walked over near him, settling within arms reach of him She laughed, and danced Knowing all the while, he was right there watching She knew he was close enough to smell her sunny citrus and vanilla perfume It was her signature scent And left a lasting impression on those around her
Spinning around effortlessly at one point she intentionally landed facing him, her glaze searching for his eyes She found them and he looked up at her and smiled That moment the world stopped, the music faded, the people disappeared and for a few seconds, it was just her and him Feeling the weight of the moment and the alcohol induced trance she became embarrassed and turned away
The song ended, she returned to her table and friends Thinking to herself, hmmm he must not be interested or he is taken since he did not oblige her obvious interest She was wrong
The drinks were flowing Fun was being had She was lost in her world She glanced to were he had been sitting most of the night but he was no longer sitting, across from her She sighed, and went on about her night
He was still just as intrigued and lost in her, however he had relocated to a different spot at the bar with some friends He was laughing and carrying on with some friends when he felt a bump in his side There was plenty of space around him so he spun around wondering what was going on
It was her The one he had be captivated by since his arrival No words were available to him Like not a peep would leave his lips She however had a few words for him, “How are you going to watch me all night and not have the balls to come ask me to dance?”
He was dumbfounded Again his voice betrayed him. Nothing left his lips And she was gone Making her way to the door In an instant he decided, this one will not slip away from me He chased after her Tapped her on the shoulder, “Ma’am may I have this dance?” She laughed Her friend said no we are leaving, very sternly But she knew she had to dance with him, just once
He led her to the dance floor They were immediately in their own world Music played in the background, as they were lost in each others embrace Stumbling over the electrical force connecting them Almost magical Laughing Spinning Flirting Dancing Their bodies Their minds Suddenly the song came to an end They left the dance floor His arm across her waist, guiding her and maybe the last embrace in his mind
They chatted briefly Exchanging pleasantries and introductions Her friend suddenly cast a damper on their moment, “It’s time to go” She was intoxicated by the drinks and also by him Goodbye, she said, with a little smile and wave
He turned to walk away but something struck him deeply inside, a voice of sorts, do not let her walk away without having a way to contact her
He once again hurriedly turned to catch up with her He managed to reach her right before she walked out “Let me get your phone number” he requested She replied, “I don’t give out my number, sorry” Here give me yours, so he got a napkin from the bar and a pen from the bartender and started writing down his number but it struck him, she will not call me, I can tell she is too intoxicated to even remember me
He firmly stated, “I need your phone number” She was shocked at his intensity and kind of aroused by it, so she complied
A couple days later she received a call but didn’t answer There was a voicemail, from a guy she didn’t remember She immediately phoned her best friend, hoping to gain insight but with no luck she ignored the message and him
The next day she was alone, bored and the phone rang, without thinking she answered it immediately It was him They chatted for a while before hanging up She made one request during that call, text me a picture please He agreed The picture popped up and her mind was still blank
They chatted again the next day for hours Conversation just came easy for them No empty lulls No awkward silence Just talking about life and learning about each others stories and experiences This happened daily for a few weeks
They talked for hours Laughing Getting to know each other Hearing the strength and struggles of each others lives He repeatedly asked to see her, to take her out on a date and she denied him each time
This was all new to her, the dating scene and she was not one to trust anyone but he understood and continued their daily phone calls Calls that drained fully charged batteries Calls that spurred interest Calls that created excitement Calls that were dropped because battery died and hurried charges prompted a call back Tethered phones plugged in so conversations wouldn’t end abruptly
Finally after a few weeks she decided she was ready to meet him in person Since their first meeting was a blur, thanks to the lively spirits served to her at the bar She got home from work and called him Nervously she said, “Do you want to come over to my apartment tonight and play poker with me and some friends?”
She anxiously waited his reply “Sure, I can make that happen” he stated, trying to play down his nervous excitement So there it was A first date
She was anxious but immediately focused on, what will I wear?! The next couple of hours, she must have tried on 15 outfits searching for that perfect one, so much in fact she was exhausted and now sweaty Makeup running, hair now piled up on her head, she collapsed on the bed
Time for a pep talk, ok you got this, you know him, he already saw you dishevelled at a bar, clearly you are in better place and he has proven that over and over with the long phone calls, little sleep and his acceptance to come over “Okay, I am beautiful woman with great personality, he would be lucky to have me!” She said outloud to herself
So now empowered, she grabbed a little gray causal dress, touched up her makeup, took her hair down and cranked down the air conditioner As she is finishing up, he calls to let her know he is almost there Panic sets in Oh my gosh Eeeekkk I’m not ready for this Before she could internally freak out any further, he calls to ask which side of the apartment complex she is on
She walks out to her balcony, and sees him drive by slowly, her heart stops
Then accelerated so quickly, she thought she was surely about to pass out But he parked and looked up at her and she again mustered up enough courage to walk back in from the balcony to her apartment and out the front door
She lived on 3rd floor so she had a moment to prepare herself She could hear his boots coming up the stairs Inching closer to her
And then, there he was He walked up, said hi She smiled He went in to give her a big hug And that’s when it happened
Without planning she leaned in and gave him a huge kiss She pulled back to look at him
They were both in shock at what just happened He stepped back away from her, as if to catch himself falling
She finally spoke, “I just wanted to get that out of the way so it wouldn’t be awkward later” They both giggled He was in shock still as she invited him in The rest of the night was great She just had to get that first kiss out of the way