The Ugly Truth

I was born into a life no child should ever have to experience.

I have never known a Father’s love but instead a Father’s rage, addiction, violence, and being sexually abused.

I was only 2 when he stole a bigger part of me.
I was too young & didn’t understand but was left feeling confused.

I was only 4 when he ripped me apart physically.

Years & years of laughter, love, & joy were not what would be in store for me.
Instead i have faced countless surgeries, unbearable pain and eventually heartbreaking infertility.

Through no fault of my own just another thing he took from me.

The physical scars have distorted my body.
But it’s the emotional wreckage that has continued to haunt me.

I often wonder what that little girl would have grown up to be.

If only she hadn’t been so viciously stolen from me.
She had no time for playtime, fairytales, hopes or dreams.

But instead staying alive & keeping her sanity would be her biggest priority.

You may think she is a survivor & how true that might be
But it certainly doesn’t feel that simple with the daily reminders & horrific memories.

I was only 7 when she abandoned me.
A mother’s love,that I did not see.

Where was my protector & biggest fan.

The person who was suppose to build me up & tell me I can.
Horribly failed me in the short time we had together.
I only wished that she could have loved me better.
What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.

I continue today living through all the repercussions.
What a tragedy at how my life started off to be.
All because they put addiction, abuse, violence, wants & selfish needs first instead of me.

Years of therapy, doctors & medication could never replace the shattered pieces of my heart, soul & innocence that they have stolen from me.

No justice was served or consequence for them to bare
Although apart they live worry free
No second thought of the damage caused to me
It is my burden to bare, as they live their life vicariously
Wronged yet again through the system, and no justice will ever prevail for me.

The truth never hurts
Their lies disgusting 
Unable to rewrite history
Validation arrives on shattered dreams
My truth, written for all eternity

§



xoxo
♥️me
Thebrokeninsideofme.com

32 thoughts on “The Ugly Truth

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  1. 😢♥️🌈

    But you can truly start anew and rewrite the subconscious programs that constantly run your life 95% of the time.

    Not just through medications, therapy and self-help books and groups you see.

    There do not change the subconscious programs that constantly play!

    But through meditation, faith and true love along the way!

    Not tomorrow, not today I say!

    It’s ‘the now’ you should live.

    Not what I’ll do tomorrow
    or
    what happened yesterday!

    But what you ‘in your heart’
    you truly believe,
    what you honestly say
    and
    pespecially what you really do today!

    🙏🏼♥️🙏🏼♥️🙏🏼

  2. You have shown your true strength by finding your way to make a contribution, amidst all of that. To face it so head on and honestly, and turn that energy into expression. I salute you, you are a valuable human being and I also feel honoured to read what you write. Take care 🙂

  3. “What was so wrong with me that my own birth parents could cause so much damage & destruction.
    Not stopping to think about how all this would forever affect me.”

    You focused on what was wrong with you, but the Wrong was all in your parents. You were an innocent victim of their brokenness, selfishness, sinfulness.

    I’m so sorry for your suffering & abandonment by those in this world who should love & care for you best. There is a Bible verse that comforts me when I think of the myriad ways my parents have let me down:

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/88/e4/f5/88e4f5cc5a4c43592eb4c72797a325a8.jpg

    Psalm 27: 10 talks about how God will care for us when we are forsaken by our parents. I hope in your healing journey you find a place to reach out to Him, the (only true) lover of our souls. God is the Only source of Unconditional Love in the universe & He loves you with an everlasting love.

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/02/a6/30/02a63058cdd095fd1f5935b5c734f7fa.jpg

    Blessings to you & thanks for sharing so transparently from your broken road…

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