Stuck on Repeat

I’ve never known the love of a father

Never experienced a grandparents love either

People often question why I grow distant or completely disappear

I guess the best answer is, that I’m still trying to find my place in this world

I feel alone

I feel unlovable

After all my own mother abandoned me when I was 7

Not that it matters because she did more damage in the years she was around

I truly feel like an outsider in my own life

People always leave

Love isn’t a guarantee

The days, months & years pass by

Yet I still sit here wondering what the next day will bring

As if my whole world will be changed

You would think by now I would understand that each day is just more of the same

A Continuous cycle of nothing but sinking deeper and self blame

xo

The broken inside of Me

Strong is Hard

In the moments I’m feeling less than enough

I am reminded how strong I amIt is a comfort and curse

Strength arises after with devastating sorrow and loss

One of the hardest parts, is allowing yourself to sit with the weaknesses

It is almost an internal battle

Which will prevail

When you are deemed strong, it’s almost impossible to find a place to be vulnerable

Just sitting with my thoughts tonight

Struggling to find my place

The balancing game

The Inbetween

Excluded and alone

Happiness, Love and smiles

Sorrow, pain and tears

Tonight I will allow it all

However tomorrow I will put it away

Wishing and praying for more sunshiny days.

xoxo

The broken inside of me