Closure

I will never understand how someone that hurt you to your core feels entitled to play the victim

You don’t get to tell me how good of a person you are when I am the one living it

Like a chameleon you adjust to whoever is in the room but as soon as we are alone the sweet likeable caring lady turns to the hateful, manipulative person I’ve seen before

The best thing you ever did for me was walk away and put me up for adoption and for that I am truly thankful

Every bad thing or piece of who I am is because of you so don’t take credit for anything more than that

You had a choice and you chose to stay and subject me to mental, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of a psychopath you chose to marry and have children with

I don’t know that feeling of being daddy’s litte girl but instead I was daddy’s little toy

The scars on my body are nothing compared to devastation in my heart

The two people that were suppose to love me the most and protect me from harm are the two that showed me what love isnt suppose to feel like while harming me the most

I have forgiven but that is for my own sanity

Yes he is dead and never paid the price for what he did to me but that doesn’t negate your part in it

The excuse of being young, dumb, poor white trash doesn’t remove the scars on my body or the way it has all affected who I am

I don’t need you now I needed you then and the multiple times I’ve attempted to talk to you about it so that the broken part of me could finally release it all by speaking it out loud to someone that lived it but your pain always comes first and I’m told to leave it in the past but at some point isn’t being a mother about wishing you could ease the pain you caused so your child doesn’t face it alone

But I wouldn’t know since you told me I am not a mother

No I didn’t birth a child but again that was stolen from me because of your choices and neglect

I have never and will never come close to the mother you are and I thank God everyday because my child does not deserve that pain, abuse or betrayal

God placed a child in my life 10 years ago and I would gladly accept all of his pain so that he never has to feel it

Haven’t I paid the price enough for your choices and mistakes

How selfish can one person be to place blame, make excuses, and absolutely refuse to accept responsibility all these years later

Lash out and continue to downplay, ridicule, call me a liar, disrespectful, isolate me, while you scream, bash and point your fingers so close to my face to assert your authority that it takes every bit of self control in me to remain respectful to someone that doesn’t deserve my respect

People who tell the truth have nothing to hide and stories never change so I will never know the truth to the things I have asked about, been told, get the closure I needed or know why

You have never been the person I needed or deserved and will never be, so I will no longer allow you to steal the joy and beauty of the life God has created for me.

I am enough

I am loved

Closure